Gensokyo Festival 2018 Prompt Fills
by Aardvark123
Summary: A collection of one-shots and poems about a whole variety of characters in a boatload of different situations. These stories were originally written back in February, so most of them will have been improved a little since their inception.
1. Day 1: Embodiment of Scarlet Devil

**~Embodiment of Scarlet Haiku~**

Witch and miko rise  
Rin Satsuki? Who is she?  
Never heard of her.

Crucified at night  
Shadows blind and embrace her.  
Hidden? Is that so?

Born of winter chill  
Romping all day in love with her strength  
Bright youth eternal.

Dancing green typhoon  
Soft carress which shatters flesh  
And brings life anew.

Paper walls so high  
Fortified by wisdom great  
Save her from the sun.

Silver maid of steel  
Bring the past a future bright  
Mop the bloody floor.

Fierce, foolish girl  
Born to greatness, blood and death  
Still needs a high-chair.

Scale the mansion high  
Seven guards you will defy  
Bring us back the light.

'Neath the moon so red  
Never fear all hope is dead  
End the Scarlet night.

Trapped, so dark and cold  
Why so long? She must stay strong  
Til the world is safe.

I love you, sister  
Please, it won't happen again  
Whatever it was...

I hate you, sister  
So alone, I count the years  
I miss all my friends.

Oh, my days, new friends!  
Please say you like to play rough!  
Wait, what's a spell-card?

Shards of starlight flash  
Chubby cheeks wield daggers white  
No clue how they slice.

Woken up inside  
Flandre takes you for a ride  
Maze of burning death.

No second chances  
Strike your path through whirling strife  
Show the girl some life.

Touch the broken soul  
Unleash your heart's danmaku  
And bathe her in love.


	2. Day 2: Your Favourite Character

**~Author's Note~**

I wrote this originally for day two of the Gensokyo Festival. I liked it pretty much as it was, but some small changes were needed. If you like a bit of hot-blooded shonen anime, please read on:

* * *

 **~Shin Akarui Bishoujo Kettei Daisenshi Marisa Ze!~**

"Impertinent wretch! You thought yourself worthy to defy **me** , the scourge of all that walks upon the Earth?! You fool! I will incinerate everything you ever loved, starting with your own wretched body."

Searing black fire closed in on her from all sides. There was nothing she could do. She let out a piercing scream as she tumbled through the maelstrom of agony, tearing with a thousand hungry claws at the magic shielding her skin. She barely felt herself hit the ground.

"Pathetic," the dragon sneered. Deep, dark, glistening blue like the inkiest night, his eight heads filled the sky. "This is the great and powerful Marisa, wielder of arcane secrets that would make mortal men pluck out their own eyes, daughter to a vengeful spirit, apprentice to the strongest youkai of all, consort to the heir of Makai and guardian of the Eastern Wonderland?! I would not trust you with a boiled egg!"

Stars swam through Marisa's vision. Trembling all over, fighting for ragged breaths, she forced herself to meet one of the dragon's gazes. "I'd give it to Okuu."

The dragon laughed a cruel, barking laugh. "That wretched avian cannot hope to defy me! Skulking in her palace of mud, slobbering all over the boots of her telepathic master, trembling at the thought that she might lose control and cause somebody a minor inconvenience…! She was given infinite power, and all she does is serve a weak and cowardly wastrel!"

"That's not true!" Marisa tried with all her might to stand, but her exhausted legs weren't having it. She fell in a helpless sprawl at the dragon's feet. "Th-that's not true… Okuu is a wonderful person! She loves eggs, but… If I asked her to, she'd guard that egg… With her very life!"

"Oh, I'm sure she would. Because she's a good little girl, isn't she?" said the dragon, pouting eightfold in mockery. "That's the problem with you modern heroines. You have no imagination. Tell me, Marisa, why would anybody look after a boiled egg when they could take it for their own? Why would you waste your precious time and energy trying to make somebody else's life richer?!"

"She'd do th-the same for me." Gritting her teeth, Marisa forced herself up onto her trembling hands and scorched knees. A hot, pointed stone dug into her shin, making her cry out in pain. "Sh-she'd do it because she _cared_ , Orochi! But that's not something you understand, is it? No, all you care about is gloating, apocalypses and more gloating."

The eight-branched serpent gasped in mock horror. "How could I have forgotten?! Friendship! The greatest power of all, and the only thing capable of defeating me!" Unable to keep up the act, he burst into cruel laughter. "You wish it were that easy. But your friends aren't coming, are they, Marisa? No, they'll most likely be halfway to the moon by now, in the vain hope that their former enemies might save their miserable hides. And they left you- poor, lonely, weak little Marisa- to face **Yamata no Orochi** , devourer of all that is pure and wholesome! All on your own. I do not know why you even tried."

Marisa grit her teeth. "How else would I beat you?"

"Oh, how quaint. She actually believes she could defeat me!" Orochi crowed. He curved his eight necks lazily around Marisa like a platoon of basilisks. "As if you could. No matter what you say, no matter what you do, no matter how many impassioned speeches you make, you will never be stronger than I. You are nothing more than a weak, feeble pink monkey with no tricks left inside your hideous little poofy white sleeves. You might as well simply give up and-"

"Oh, shut up…" Marisa rolled her eyes.

Orochi's eyes widened. "Wh-what? WHAT?! You DARE tell me to shut up?! How DARE you?!"

"I'm sorry, have you never been to Gensokyo before?" Marisa forced her battered body to rise. She wedged her broom between trembling thighs and gripped her hakkero. "We don't give up. If you make one move, I'll-"

Eight streams of black fire converged on Marisa. Within seconds, everything caught between Orochi's heads was scorched to a crisp.

Orochi smiled with eightfold smugness. "Give the yama my warmest regards, you worthless witch. It won't be long until I come for her, too."

Hovering untouched above the serpent's thick, spiny shoulders, Marisa slowly clapped her hands. "Not bad. You almost singed one of my feet," she said sweetly. "I messed up, though. I meant to say I'd move if you shot."

Orochi howled with rage and lunged up at Marisa. She launched herself high above his snapping jaws, clung to her broom with white knuckles as she wheeled around into a dive and careened under his whip-like tails.

"Y'know, Orochi, there's something my dad used to say," said Marisa, casually slipping under a spread of black fire. "My real dad, that is. She used to say 'practice makes perfect', and I've been battling youkai since I was twelve!"

"Irrelevant. I am the scourge of the universe, he who is sworn to bring eternal darkness-"

"Yeah, and I'm an Ordinary Witch." Marisa flashed a dazzling smile. "An Ordinary Witch who trains for two hours a day and never gives up. You think I've reached my limit?! Don't make me laugh! No matter how hard things get, no matter how many times I get my head kicked in, I'll just keep on coming! I did it to Junko, I did it to Okina, I did it to Yukari, and you can bet I'll do it to you! There are no limits I can't transcend, and this is NOT my last word!"

Marisa's hakkero shook with energy. Caught on a knife-edge between salvation and oblivion, more excited than she had been in months, the Ordinary Witch took aim. "Magicannon… FINAL! MASTER! SPAAAAAAAAARK!"


	3. Day 3: Perfect Cherry Blossom

**~Author's Note~**

I think I made this one a bit better and more consistent, although not too much of the actual structure needed changing. Here are a few tales of the first days of Spring.

 **~Tales from a Blossomed Wonderland~**

Youmu was afloat in an ocean of pure beauty. Warm sunlight filtered through the boundless flowers above, bathing her in a soft pink glow. She closed her eyes, drank in the sweet, heady air and let out a deep sigh of ecstasy.

"These cherry blossoms are just perfect, aren't they?" murmered Yuyuko. She shuffled a little closer to Youmu, rested her head against the tall cherry tree she was snoozing under and gave her hair a little stroke. "I'm so glad we came out here. So beautiful…"

"Spring is the greatest!" agreed Youmu, snuggling up against her master's soft blue robe. "Nothing but flowers and beauty all around us, and this is just the first day! We don't even have to awaken any evil youkai in order to enjoy it."

Yuyuko laughed nervously. "I guess that's a plus."

"Yes…" Youmu frowned. "I do feel bad about what we did. All this life and beauty, all the birds and the butterflies and the blossoms and the bunnies… This is what you wanted me to steal! I just…" she sighed deeply. "Please don't make me steal any more seasons."

"Don't worry. After all this, I don't think I could ever bring myself to." Yuyuko smiled mischievously. "Then again, a couple more Saturday afternoons wouldn't hurt…"

"Y-you're not serious?!" Youmu sat up in shock, her eyes widening.

"Nope!" giggled Yuyuko. "Wouldn't mind an extra teatime, though. Come on, let's go to the shrine!"

"All right!" Youmu stood up and stretched. She took two steps and tripped over a sunbathing fairy.

"Oh, my…! Have a nice trip!" Yuyuko giggled as she stood over the sprawling samurai and confused fairy. "Say, have I seen you around here before?"

"Umm… Maybe?" The fairy tilted her head. "I'm Lily White! I herald the coming of spring!"

"Aren't you a bit late, then?" Youmu rose to her feet, rubbing her bruised shoulder. "Spring has already started!"

Lily looked at the clouds of pink blossoms in the air, then at the flowers blooming at her feet. Then she let out a piercing scream of horror. Youmu fell flat on her back.

"Oh, no! I don't believe it! This is the worst! I can't believe I overslept at the start of spring. I don't deserve to live!" Lily wept into her conical hat.

Yuyuko gave Youmu a worried look.

"No. This is not the last day of Lily White." Lily rose into the air, her whole body shining with the power of nature. Her diaphenous pink wings flared out behind her. "I may be late, but I won't give up! I will announce Spring to everyone! I feel the power of the universe radiating inside me! Onwards, Fairy Herald of Spring!"

Lily soared away through the forest, accompanied by triumphant music.

"Okay… Okay. Very nice." Yuyuko noticed Benben and Yatsuhashi playing the triumphant music behind a stout tree and gave them a friendly wave. "Very… Very atmospheric. Uhh, come on, Youmu! Let's go eat!"

* * *

"It's Spring, it's Spring! Listen, everyone! IT'S SPRING!"

Resplendent in her white-and-red dress, Lily danced through the flowery meadows. Her socks and cute buckle-shoes were soaked with dew, but she didn't care. This was her time to shine.

Lily's face lit up. She'd spotted a couple of friends at the edge of the Great Youkai Forest. "Cirno! Eternity! Did you hear?! IT'S SPRING!"

Cirno and Eternity Larva looked up in amazement as Lily ran over.

"It's Spring, friends! It's finally here! SPRING!"

Cirno sprang up and punched Lily in the face. "Are you quite through?! Not everyone likes spring, y'know!"

Eternity gasped. "Cirno, you can't do that! It's her job to tell us when Spring starts!"

Cirno grit her teeth. "Believe it or not, I've known it was Spring all day. Just look! How could I not have noticed?! Look!"

"Ughhh… It's dothig persodal…" groaned Lily. Nevertheless, she tried to focus in the direction Cirno was pointing. Her eyes went wide. Sweating and hugging herself in nothing but a flimsy bathing suit, Letty Whiterock was curled up between the roots of a tall tree.

"She's been there since last week." Cirno's voice was tense. Cold tears were sparkling on her cheeks; Lily realised Cirno had been crying all along. "Another year sleeping, too hot to move or talk or have any fun… This is what Spring does to people, Lily. This is why I have to become the strongest fairy and cover the world in eternal winter."

Lily was horrified. All her life, she'd believed Spring was the greatest season ever, but now she was shaken to the core. Spring could hurt people, force them to sleep until their own season came again? It boggled her mind.

People needed Spring, though. They needed food and flowers and newborn lambs and mud to roll in. (The latter was mainly for the Aki Sisters.) Even if it could hurt people, it still needed announcing, and Lily was never going to let Spring be stolen again. Even if that meant becoming stronger even than Cirno… And killing her.

Eternity glanced up at the nearby tree from atop which the Tsukumo Sisters were playing some dark, suspenseful music. "Shouldn't you have a violinist with you?"

Benben shook her head. "Lunasa's busy right now."

* * *

"Bravo, bravo! Oh, that was simply marvellous!" Alice and Shanghai clapped appreciatively from their seats in the Prismrivers' expansive back garden. "I still struggle to believe three sisters can sound as good as an entire orchestra!"

Lyrica laughed. "I wouldn't say we're that good. Maybe a medium-sized ensemble, or a choir…"

"Or a barbershop quartet!" Merlin piped up.

Lyrica sighed. "Yes, dear sister, a triad of superlatively talented musicians can be compared to four imbeciles who can just about harmonise. Thank you for that insight."

"Lyrica, she doesn't mean any harm," said Lunasa sympathetically.

"I'm sure she doesn't, but… She really gets my goat sometimes."

Merlin grinned. "And I'm proud of it!"

Lyrica's eyes narrowed. She reached for a large cream cake, but found Alice's hand firmly upon her arm.

"Come now, Lyrica, you mustn't sink to your sister's level."

Lyrica pouted mightily. "I'll sink to it if I want…"

"Yes, well." Alice took a fortifying sip of tea. "I do love the classical European arts. Noh, kabuki, gagaku, ukiyo-e are all fine, and I won't deny that manga and J-pop deserve to exist, but there is nothing quite like the sweet melody of the violin."

Merlin and Lyrica bristled.

"Not that the trumpet and the piano are any worse!" said Alice hastily. "Beautiful instruments, they truly are. The very salt of the earth. And, well, what I am saying is… You should all be proud of yourselves. I have never met greater artists."

"Oh, Alice, thank you!" cried Lunasa.

"Yeah, that really means a lot!" said Merlin, blushing vividly.

"We put a tremendous amount of effort into our performances. Hearing that from you almost… M-makes me…" Lyrica wept with joy.

"You're most welcome, you three. I simply love your music!" smiled Alice. "Tell me, though… Do you think you could teach Shanghai to play?"

"Um," said Lunasa, "your doll?"

"Teach a doll to play music?" said Merlin, tilting her head in confusion.

"Yes." Alice's eyes were wide and innocent. "I deserve a favour after giving you all those compliments, do I not?"

The sisters shared a worried look.

* * *

Yukari closed her three gaps, sat back against her ten goose-feather pillows and smiled. "All is well again, it seems. In spite of all the chaos we've just had, peace reigns over Gensokyo. Perhaps it will last as long as a week!" she giggled.

"Unlikely, Mistress. According to my calculations, there will be at least one minor Incident the day after tomorrow, and a major one could be less than a month away," said Ran, who was standing patiently beside her master's massive four-poster bed. "I estimate a sixty-three point twelve percent chance that the Lunarians will attempt something at least mildly annoying, although what it will be I cannot say."

"Well, quite." Yukari cleared her throat. "Listen, Ran, I think I feel a nap coming on. Get me some warm milk."

"At once, Mistress." Ran rose to her feet and strode off. She paused in the doorway and turned back to Yukari. "By the way, Mistress, I've noticed that patches of the barrier are still weakening. Is there anything I can do to help you repair it after your snooze?"

Yukari was silently impressed with Ran's ability to nudge her to do things without ever giving a direct criticism. "Thank you, but no. I'm just leaving it to see what happens."

"I am sure that is a wise choice," said Ran levelly.

"Yes. Quite." Yukari smiled. "I mean, it's not as if Reimu and her little friends are going to fly all the way over here and force me to fix it now! They couldn't even get past Chen if you're with her."

"Damn straight they couldn't!" Chen poked her head up from under the quilt. "If anyone tries to hurt my master and her sleepy friend, I'll rip their kneecaps off."  
Ran gasped. "Chen! How could you think of hiding in-"

"No, it's all right. I asked her to lick my feet clean," Yukari cut Ran off. "And you've done a lovely job, too, Chen. You deserve a nice glass of milk!"

"Yay!" squeaked Chen, who couldn't wait to get the salty taste out of her mouth.


	4. Days 4 and 5: Humans and Youkai

**~Author's Note~**

I wrote this story for days four and five of the Gensokyo Festival, combining two prompts into one: "humans" and "youkai". The first half needed extensive rewriting, but all I really did to the second arc was give Kosuzu's mother a name. She is now Suzume, getting a bit of a naming theme going between herself and her darling daughter. She's a pretty good mother, all told.

 **~Tsukumogami Tshowdown~**

"Ladies, my plan is beautiful and elegant in its simplicity." With a solemn frown on her face, Rumia jabbed randomly at a few scrawled chalk images on her battered old blackboard. "Firstestmostly, Kagerou jumps out of the reeds while one of the campers is having a bath. Secondestmostly, Sekibanki gets all her extra heads out and herds them back to the camp, where Wakisaki will decsend upon all the humans while wearing her kraken costume!"

Sekibanki, Wakasagihime and Kagerou shared a worried look.

"Thirdestmostly," continued Rumia, "once the humans' socks have all fallen off-"

"Eh?!" cried Sekibanki. "Uh, how…?"

"Because Wakisaki will have scared them off, silly," said Rumia, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Anyway, with the humans de-socked, we chase them back to their village and force them to hide under their beds all night!"

"Excuse me, I can't hide in the reeds! I'll get dirty!" protested Kagerou.

"And my name's Wakasagihime," Wakasagihime pointed out.

"Is that so?" Rumia's brow furrowed. "Wacky… Saggy… Theresa May? No, that doesn't sound… Look, Kagerou, it won't be that bad! Reeds are usually clean."

"I'm talking about all the horrible, soggy mud under them!" Kagerou shuddered.

"So? Wear waders! Or just go naked." Rumia rolled her eyes.

Kagerou gasped. "N-n-NAKED?! They'll see me! All of me!"

"Well, with waders, maybe," began Sekibanki.

"They'll chafe!" wailed Kagerou.

"Not if you wear some nice cotton tights under them!" insisted Sekibanki.

"Or maybe I could hide in the reeds instead!" offered Wakasagihime.

"Would you?!" cried Kagerou, so relieved she could have died happily in that very moment.

"Or we could just naff off and read manga in Rinnosuke's shop." Sekibanki smiled naughtily.

"C-c-could we?!" gasped Kagerou, on the verge of fainting.

"Come on, will you?! I came up with a perfectly good… decent enough plan!" Rumia bristled, her lips pressed together in a fierce pout. "We can do this! You're the Grassroots Youkai Network, blood sisters who have sworn an oath to do all sorts of cool stuff together! And I am Rumia of the Night, she who brings the dusk and eats people! Sometimes with mustard!"

"I know, but… It's such a lovely day! I don't want to get covered in mud or beat people up! All I want to do is take a walk in the forest, curl up with a good book and maybe go out for a meal…" said Kagerou pleadingly. "We don't have to scare people every day, do we?

"That is NOT so! If humans stop being scared of us, we'll die, and that would ruin my day!" snapped Rumia, levelling an accusatory finger at Kagerou. "I can't believe you, Kagerou. You're a werewolf! I thought that stood for something!"  
"Rumia, ease up on her, will you?!" Wakasagihime had been compared to the British prime minister more times than she could take. "The Grassroots Youkai Network isn't all about scaring people! We do some of that, sure, but sometimes we just like to chill out."

"Yep. I'm not even a member, they just let me hang out with them 'cause I bring peppermints," Sekibanki pointed out.

"I don't believe this!" Grief and anger collided in Rumia's heart. Tears welled up in the corners of her earnest eyes. "D-don't you have any pride?! You're youkai! The terrors of-of the night! You can't j-just… You can't!"

Rumia ran out over the dewy meadow, howling with misery.

After a few minutes, Sekibanki broke the silence. "Do you think the plan might've worked?"

"Maybe," said Kagerou. "Could've just hovered above the mud…"

* * *

Rumia trudged through the Forest of Magic, kicking at every stone or discarded piece of cardboard she found. She was soon left without a single toe unstubbed, but she was beyond caring.

What was the point in being a youkai if you didn't devote yourself to terrorising humans? All of Rumia's instincts told her there was none. By their very definition, youkai were the rivals of humans. To be anything else was to be a not-youkai.

Maybe the Grassroots Youkai Network weren't real youkai after all. Maybe, deprived of fear and conflict, they had turned into weak spirits of nature who couldn't hurt a fly. Maybe they all secretly wanted to be patted on the head(s) and informed, by humans, that they were good girls! The very thought of it chilled Rumia to the bone.

But then, what had become of the humans? They'd been getting bolder lately, and she apparently wasn't allowed to eat them any more. Rumia had only vague memories of her past, but she knew the golden age was coming to an end. What had become of Gensokyo? What had become of the ferocious monsters who once roamed freely from the Road of Liminality to the steps of the Hakurei Shrine? What had-

THUNK!

"Owwww…" Rumia staggered back from the tree she'd walked into. It wasn't a rare occurence for her, given that she cloaked herself in darkness all the time, but it still hurt.

"Um, hello? Are you all right?"

Rumia started. A young woman with short green hair and a cyclopean umbrella was walking towards her.

"Um, yes, thank you! I'm fine!" said Rumia, amazed. "What are you doing here, though?"

"Just taking a walk, plotting my next Incident…" said Kogasa casually, somehow managing to talk and lick her lips at the same time because it looked cute. "I was thinking I might make some tsukumogami dance along the walls. No-one gets hurt, but everyone gets nightmares!"

Rumia's eyes were sparkling. "Nightmares…? R-really?! You'd go to all that effort?!"

"Of course! I haven't scared anyone for days now. Got to pick up the pace," smiled Kogasa. "Do you want to come along? I could use someone with the power to control darkness…"

Rumia threw her arms around Kogasa's lower torso. "I love you, Kogasa! Please marry me!" she sobbed, nuzzling the karakasa's tummy. "Oh, this is going to be the best Incident in history!"

Kogasa stared for a few tense moments, then burst out laughing. "That it will, you funky little youkai, that it will!"

* * *

"Guys, guys, guys, watch this! Floating sake inside a floating glass!" Marisa clambered up onto the rustic pine table, stepping in Kosuzu's cheesecake and kicking over a couple of empty cups. She focused intently on the pint glass in her hand.

An awed hush fell over the table as the glass rose from Marisa's hand. The clear, faintly green drink rearranged itself into a thin cylinder and rose from the base of the glass.

"That'sh… That'sh amazhing!" slurred Reimu, wobbling on her stool. "C'n you… Ish it drinkable?"

"Sure. Open wide!" Marisa floated the cylinder of sake down to Reimu, who swallowed it and licked her lips.

Suzume Motoori rolled her eyes and took a steadying sip of tea. "You know, if I was a witch, I'd be doing a lot more than just drinking all day."

"Won't you give them a chance, Mummy? These are Gensokyo's greatest heroes!" said Kosuzu fervently. "They do a lot more than just drink."

"Well, yeah," nodded Marisa. "I train for, like, two hours a day, make magical gear, hunt for treasure, fix things for people, fight youkai, cook, go swimming…"

"An' I shometimesh take napsh," Reimu added, hiccupping loudly. "An' shweep the floor!"

"Fair enough," sighed Suzume. "By the way, Little Bell, your father might be coming home this weekend."

Kosuzu's face lit up. "Really? Did he get any new books?! Or sell any?!"

Suzume sighed. "If I know him, he'll have run out of books and money. I know he wants to spread the joy of reading around, but…"

"I know…" The cheesecake Marisa had stepped in represented a whole month's pocket money for Kosuzu. Her parents would probably have given her an actual wage if she'd asked for it, since she practically ran the shop, but she didn't have the heart to cut into the roof repair fund.

"And for my next trick," said Marisa loudly, "I'm going to do the impossible!"

"You mean buy my daughter another slice of cheesecake?" Suzume gave Marisa a very motherly look.

"Maybe." Marisa shrugged. "No, what I'm gonna do is make this table dance!"

Reimu, Kosuzu and Suzume grabbed their drinks and took a few steps back.

"Good thinking!" Marisa grinned. "All right. By the power of-"

"Hey, ishn't that… ishn't that hat-shtand danshing?" Reimu pointed a wobbling finger towards the doorway. A curvy wooden hat-stand was dancing a stiff jig, its three legs clattering on the floor and its crowd of hats fluttering like a ballerina's shoulder-pads.

Marisa yelped. "M-my hat! Oi, stop! Give me back my hat!"

As if it had heard her, the hat stand leaned back rammed its "head" through the door. It ran out into the street, trailing hats and splintered wood.

"Damn it… Come on, Reimu, follow that tsukumogami!" shouted Marisa, charging out of the door with hakkero in hand.

"You heard her! Let's go!" Kosozu grabbed her mother's hand and shot out of the pub.

"Ughhh… Night, everyone." Reimu curled up under the table and fell asleep.

* * *

On all the rooftops in the village, hundreds of tsukumogami were dancing up a storm. Pots and pans clashed together, brooms duelled with hoes and pitchforks, dolls danced with metal figurines and rode on toy trains, and at least one entire house was bouncing hard enough to shake the earth.

The noise was deafening, the crowds too curious to run away and too scared to ask any questions. Marisa elbowed her way through the throng until she came to the laughing karakasa and the generic darkness youkai at the centre of it all.

"Kogasa Tatara! I should've known it was you." Marisa whipped out a spell-card. "How dare you threaten the peace of our beautiful village?! You will pay for this!"

"Well, well, if it isn't the Ordinary Witch!" Kogasa laughed cruelly. "Do you really think you can stop me, Marisa?! All the powers of the night are with me!"

Marisa's eyes narrowed. "We may live in fear of you, but our hearts are pure and our spell-cards are strong! The Human Village will never give in! Kosozu, you deal with Rumia. I'll take the umbrella girl."

Kosozu gasped. "R-really? This… This is…!"

"Kosuzu, you don't have to. We've talked about peer pressure." Suzume took her daughter by the hand. "Come on, we'll get the guards-"

"This is SO COOL! My first spell-card duel, and the whole village is here! Kogasa and Rumia are scaring everyone, we're going to kick their arses, thereby fulfiling the need youkai have for conflict…! This is what Gensokyo was built for!"

"Um," said Suzume, "what?"

"Yeah, what are you… What are you babbling about? There are some things you don't exactly just say…" said Marisa shiftily.

"Uh…" said Kosuzu. She gave a quiet, nervous laugh. "Charge?"

Marisa nodded. "CHARGE!"

"Just get home safely," sighed Suzume.


	5. Day 6: Imperishable Night

**~Imperishable Limericks~**

There once was a girl from the Moon  
Who feared that her death would come soon.  
She begged for a potion  
Eirin showed her devotion  
But Lord Tsu made them both go pichuuu~n.

A woman from Earth with white hair  
Loved her dad even more than was fair.  
She found him a waifu  
Who ruined his laifu  
At which point she went truly spare.

Many years after Mokou's dad died  
The moon in Gensokyo did hide.  
Yukari burst in.  
"Reimu, it's missin'!"  
And they charged off with slumber denied.

Marisa gazed up to the sky.  
"It's a fake!" her friend Alice did cry.  
They set out as a pair  
Many squabbles they shared.  
Who knows why we ship them? Not I.

Remi sensed danger that night.  
Her maid tagged along for the fight.  
Craving a red moon  
Remilia did swoon  
When she saw that the fake was all white.

Youmu was eager for battle  
Which made Saigyouji quite rattled.  
The ghost chased her young ward  
Helped her crush fairy hordes  
And drove her quite nuts with her prattle.

The youkai could sense something wrong.  
Together, they kept the night long.  
Ere midnight was noon  
They'd find the true Moon  
And set to rights all that was wrong.

Many fireflies took to the air.  
All shimmering, no stars could compare.  
Wriggle came out to fight  
The girls punched out her lights  
And then strode down the road to elsewhere.

Young Mystia hollered her ditty.  
The ghost princess drooled like a kitty.  
Reimu fell in a ditch  
And got her sides in a stitch  
So they rushed to the humans' small city.

Keine had hidden the village  
So no-one could come in and pillage.  
Keine got the wrong idea  
Then all gave into fear  
And their duel barely stopped short of killage.

Reimu spread blame all about herself.  
Marisa seemed almost to doubt herself.  
"Bitch, get out of the way!"  
She leapt back into the fray.  
Sakyua and Youmu went and had a cup of tea. Then they organised a masters-versus-servants tennis tournament, which Yuyuko and Remilia won by a couple of points. By that time, the night was really starting to drag on, so the whole gang rallied together and stormed the House of Eternity; although she'd been hanging back until then, Yukari showed a good bit of clout herself.

Our heroines roamed through the mansion.  
With eight fighters, there wasn't much tension.  
Tewi made a bold stand  
For her princess and her land  
But barely even earned herself a mention.

From out of the shadows stepped Reisen.  
She charged them with pistols a-blazin'.  
Eirin locked down the house  
Showing frightening nous  
But the bun had to lose with good grace-en.

They fought either Eirin or Kaguey.  
At this point, the timeline gets screwy.  
Eight endings in show  
But one thing we know:  
Lord Tsuki deserves to go kablooie.

The Lunarians fought to the finish.  
Their Hourai power could never diminish.  
Gensokyo stood strong  
Fighting hard all night long  
Until the night had no choice but to perish.

Peace was back, so all grudges could die.  
Turned out there was no threat from on high.  
Eirin's pals were all free  
From the Eagle Ravi;  
All they need now is a hot bowl of chai.

Our heroes went back home to bed.  
The Incident seemed truly quite dead.  
In the maze of bamboo  
Many rumours, none true.  
There's no woman in trousers bright red...


	6. Day 7: Silent Sinner in Blue

**~Kaguya's Sacrifice~**

Lord Watatsuki no Tsukiyomi no Mikoto paced up and down the bridge of the Crescendo-class dreadnought. His shoes tapped slowly on the titanium deck, matching the fearful rhythm Kaguya could feel inside her chest. She'd seen the god of the moon so calm and polite only once before, and that had been the day of her banishment.

"So," Tsukiyomi said at last, "you have come before me to plead for mercy. After smothering yourself in the deathly impurity of infinite life, rejecting the paradise I crafted, housing convicts and deserters who threw my kindness in my face and worst of all manipulating my own two daughters into concealing you, you come before me. And you expect me to spare your little garden of earthly sin."

"Um." Kaguya gulped. "That's right, my lord. You see, Eirin and I have made a home for-"

"I know what you have done." Tsukiyomi cut her off with a dismissive wave of his hand. "You have planted a seed of discontent that spread throughout the Lunar Capital. Throughout my great citadel, even in my own court, there are those who suggest that my paradise is less than perfect. One of them dared to request permission to take a holiday to Earth! The fool! If I allow one iota of impurity to besmirch Luna, we will all fall into ruin. I have no choice but to destroy what gives them their foolish hope of a somehow better society."

"But they're people, not just porcelain dolls you can turn into whatever you want! If they want to-"

"Be silent! I have heard all that drivel before, and it is meaningless. I will not abandon any Lunarian to an impure life on Earth, no matter how they beg me to. My duty is to protect you and all my people, not to stand idly by while you give your lives over to ruin!"

"Right…" Although she'd been hoping desperately for him to see reason, Kaguya knew Tsukiyomi would accept nothing less than total victory. "Well, my lord, I… Since you want me so badly, I am ready to come back."

Tsukiyomi's awe-inspiring black eyebrows rose. "Indeed?"

"Yes. If you promise to call off your bombers and leave my friends in peace, I'll do whatever you ask. I'll be a good Lunarian." Kaguya bowed her head in surrender. "Whatever you want of me, you shall have. But please let me say goodbye to them first."

Tsukiyomi tilted Kaguya's chin back up and smiled at her. "Finally you see sense! Good! You know, I had high hopes for you, Kaguya. You were once almost as great a warrior as my eldest daughter, and I thought you might make her a worthy wife. That ship has basically sailed, given that she likes men for some unfathomable reason, but you could yet become a Lunarian worthy of renown."

"Brilliant." Kaguya tried to smile, but her empty heart would permit nothing more than a strained grimace. "So, can I say farewell to Eirin?"

"You won't need to. She's coming with us."

Kaguya felt as if the ceiling of Kinkaku-ji Temple had flattened her soul. She cried out in horror. "L-Lord Tsukiyomi, you promised-!"

"I don't need to promise anything, Kaguya. Considering our respective situations, you have no choice but to obey me." Tsukiyomi angrily resumed his pacing. "Eirin is a traitor and a fugitive, the rabbits who fled to her side enemies of Luna. The rabbits will be executed in full view of their brethren and sistren, and as for Eirin…" He smiled wickedly. "I think I will immerse her in molten titanium. Once it sets, it should take her a few thousand years to break free, by which time Chang'e will probably be looking for a new companion anyway."

"You can't! She hasn't done anything to you!" wailed Kaguya. "You heartless monster, I'm never going to be what you want! I won't ever stop fighting you-"

Tsukiyomi slapped Kaguya sharply on the back of the head. She flew helplessly across the bridge and smashed into the tactical console. Agony bloomed inside her jaw as the bones splintered and cracked.

"Any more complaints?" said Tsukiyomi archly.

Kaguya's broken jaw and twisted neck did not permit her to respond. A tear rolled down her cheek.

"Good." Tsukiyomi turned to face the moon rabbits standing awkwardly around the bridge and trying not to look sympathetic. "Commander, dispatch the bombers to Eientei. Captain, take us after them and get someone on that vat of molten titanium. Green-haired boy, get somebody in here to fix the tactical-"

The pilot timidly raised her hand. "Ex-excuse me! My lord, there's a, um… Well, a shrine-maiden. In front of us."

"What…?" Tsukiyomi peered out of the windscreen. There was indeed a shrine-maiden floating in front of the dreadnought, with her arms folded and a look of extreme annoyance on her face. Tsukiyomi sighed heavily. "Give her a type-one missile, will you?"

The tactical officer shifted nervously. "With what, my lord? I, um, don't exactly have a console…"

"Well, use your tablet, you dumb flopsy! Honest to myself…" Tsukiyomi gave an exasperated sigh.

Biting back a retort, the tactical officer pulled a sleek tablet computer from his pocket and pressed some stuff on the screen. A small missile burst out of the starboard missile turret and barreled towards the shrine-maiden.

* * *

Reimu's wand spun through the air as she called upon her power. "Indomitable Spirit: Duplex Deflect!"

The missile glanced off Reimu's shimmering blue barrier and went spiralling off to the side, where Mokou pounced on it and wrestled to gain control. Neither flying nor being dragged along, but in a very uncomfortable place in between, Mokou guided the missile towards the colossal battleship.

* * *

On the bridge of the dreadnought, chaos reigned.

"Don't panic! Don't panic!" the chap with green hair wailed.

"Brace for impact!" the captain shouted, diving under her chair.

"Abandon ship!" yelped the wing commander, running helplessly around in circles.

"Um," said the tactical officer, "should we maybe put the shields on?"

"Oh, for my sake…" Tsukiyomi grabbed Kaguya by the scruff of the neck and stuffed her into the broom cupboard. He made a mental note to ask why there was a broom cupboard of all things on the bridge. "All right, rabbits, brace for imp-"

An almighty explosion tore through the front bulkhead, showering Tsukiyomi and the moon rabbits in shards of red-hot metal and glass. Tsukiyomi was flung against the broom cupboard. Half-conscious, he clung to the door handle with grim determination and ignored the terrified screams of the rabbits being sucked out into space.

* * *

Reisen's ears flattened with horror. "Oh, no! Lady Eirin, the vacuum-breathing potions, quickly!"

"Here!" Eirin tossed a heavy tote bag over to Reisen, who caught it and flew to the nearest suffocating rabbit.

"Did we really have to blow up the front end of the ship? It's such a… It's so destructive!" Reimu couldn't stand the sight of shattered spaceship, much less the scattered, helpless rabbits who were going to die if Reisen didn't hurry.

"A normal spell-card wouldn't do much to Lunar steel," Eirin pointed out. "We've got to move fast, though. They have fighters."

"So do we. Five of the greatest!" said Mokou fiercely, drifting over to Eirin. Her right side was badly charred, but she didn't seem to mind.

"No, fighter ships," Eirin clarified. "With laser machine guns and proton torpedoes. We could beat a few of them in a spell-card duel, but they'll be shooting to kill, and we can't hold out forever."

"Then let's move fast. Keine, Mokou, with me! Eirin, watch my… twelve?" Reimu shot Eirin a hopeful look.

"Six," said Eirin.

"Right. Of course." With a mildly chagrined look, Reimu flew into the flickering cavern that was the dreadnought's bridge. She shot out of the hole a few moments later, battered and trailing smoke. "I've found Tsukiyomi! Help!"

Shining with an eerie silver light, Lord Tsukiyomi drifted out of the battered dreadnought. His skin and clothes were pristine in spite of the explosion he'd just endured, not a single strand of his silky black hair was out of place. Reimu edged a little closer to Eirin and waited for the stars to stop swimming in front of her eyes.

Mokou burst into flames, roared like a lion with a sore throat and charged at Tsukiyomi. "You miserable old bastard, I want my mortal enemy back and I want her now, you hear me?! Give her back or I'll-!"

Tsukiyomi punched Mokou in the stomach. She spiralled helplessly into the asteroid belt.

"I must say, that was an enjoyable little warm-up." Tsukiyomi brushed some dust off his collar and approached Eirin. "Now, how may I help the traitor?"

"Nice to see you, too." Eirin folded her arms. "I have come for Kaguya. If you value your life, I suggest- Reimu, stop clinging onto me!"

Tsukiyomi scoffed. "This is the prodigal goddess I once revered, back to claim her love?" He drew his silver katana and thrust it towards Eirin. "You arrogant old hag! Even if you can cope with your clingy shrine maiden, Luna does not tolerate traitors."

"Doesn't tolerate individuality, you mean. Kaguya, Reisen and myself happen to be enjoying our freedom, and you will never have us back!"

"I will shatter your spirits like plywood upon a meteor, you scum!" Tsukiyomi flew at Eirin and took a swipe at her neck. His sword flashed through the void, but cleaved only a few silver strands of hair as Eirin rolled out of the way and Reimu ran for it.

Eirin lashed out with her leg, catching Tsukiyomi a vicious blow on the chin. He grunted angrily and thrust his sword through Eirin's shoulder. Eirin yelped plaintively, grit her teeth and grabbed Tsukiyomi's wrist. She met his steely gaze and summoned an orb of sizzling blue plasma.

Tsukiyomi's eyes widened as he realised what she was planning. He abandoned his blade and tried to flee, but Eirin clung to his wrist with grim determination and smashed the plasma into his face.

"Aaaaaaaargh!" howled Tsukiyomi, his face sizzling. He bit down savagely on Eirin's forearm and wrenched himself out of her grasp. "You stupid bitch! You'll pay for this, you hear me?! You'll pay!"

Eirin pulled the sword out of her shoulder and tossed it to Reimu, who fumbled it and almost stabbed Keine. Rolling her eyes, Eirin hefted her bow and nocked an arrow tipped with blue crystal. "How much do you charge for a lifetime of fear and oppression, Tsukiyomi? I think this should go some way towards settling our debt!"

Tsukiyomi laughed a cruel, barking laugh. "Shooting me will accomplish nothing, you fool! I am a Noble Child, the second spawn of Lord Izanagi! I can unmake you with but a thought!"

"They built me to last, sonny boy, so you'd better think hard!" snapped Eirin.

"Oh, yes?" Tsukiyomi raised a hand aflame with primordial magic. He grinned savagely and clenched his fist.

Deep, slender cracks spread across Eirin's skin. She gasped in horror as burning white light began to pour out of her.

"Oh, no…" Reimu's heart was heavy with dread. "Keine, y-you don't think-?!"

"I don't know," said Keine quietly. "Neither of us can defeat a god anyway, so we have to believe Eirin can do it."

"I… I just wish I could do something!" Reimu stared ruefully at her gohei, which could cut through youkai as if they were tissue paper but was useless in that moment.

"You can't." Keine took Reimu's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Sanae wouldn't be able to help either, though, so cheer up!"

Reimu attempted to cheer up. It was not particularly easy.

Eirin was screaming in pain as her body slowly disintegrated. Even Hourai-infused Lunarian flesh wasn't enough to resist Tsukiyomi's power.

"Well, Eirin, it seems this is the end for you." Tsukiyomi smiled smugly as he focused all his power on Eirin. "Am I stronger than your disgusting Hourai elixir? Who knows?! Either way, I can scatter you so far across the universe you'll never be reborn!"

"Th-that's… Never… Going to happen!" Eirin wasn't prepared to let any amount of pain get the better of her. With a furious battle-cry she loosed her arrow. Caught unawares, Tsukiyomi made a grab for it a split second too late. The arrow pierced his heart.

Tsukiyomi shrieked like a banshee standing on a chair to escape a mouse. He slumped helplessly as the strength drained out of his limbs. "Eirin, wh-what have you done to me?! Y-you'll pay for this, you-! You… Aaagh…"

"Isn't it obvious? I shot you, you miserable bastard!" Eirin laughed out loud as relief flooded through her and the cracks crisscrossing her skin began to close. "A god-slayer arrow! One of my best inventions, I feel. You'll live, but you'll spend at least a couple of days wishing you weren't."

"Eirin, that was incredible!" Reimu's eyes were shining with awe. "You-! He-! Oh, you're just amazing!"

"The greatest!" agreed Keine.

Reimu and Keine hugged each other and whooped with joy. Reisen, the captain, the tactical officer and the chap with green hair wept over the poor wing commander.

"Eirin… H-how could you do this?!" spat Tsukiyomi. "I am trying… To save my lost children from… I hate you…!"

Eirin rolled her eyes. "Sure you do. Where is Kaguya?!"

Tsukiyomi spat in her face.

Eirin wiped the saliva away with her plait. "Fine, be that way. I imagine she'll be stuffed inside a cupboard somewhere, or an old sea chest…"

Keine gasped. "A cupboard! Eirin, look! In there!" She pointed to a rectangular metal cupboard that was spiralling slowly through the void. Tsukiyomi took one look at it and put his head in his hands.

"I.. I don't believe it! The broom cupboard survived without a scratch!" Eirin drifted towards the battered metal cupboard. "Reimu! Orb, please!"

Reimu blinked. "Orb? Um… What about this?" She withdrew a small hammer from inside her bloomers and passed it to Eirin. "I do trust you, it's just that, you see…"

"Don't worry about it." Eirin drew back her arm and started bashing away at the lock.

After a few good thumps, Kaguya burst out of the cupboard in a clatter of brooms and mops with a bucket wedged firmly over her shoe. She flopped into Eirin's arms. "Eirin! Oh, Eirin! You came for… For me… Uwaaaaaaah!" she wailed, hugging her as if she was never going to let go.

"Oh, Kaguya! My darling, thank heavens they didn't hurt you!" Weeping with joy, Eirin squeezed Kaguya and nuzzled her cheek. "Unless they did hurt you, which I wouldn't know if you'd healed already. Anwyay, you're safe now. I've got you."

"But… What about…?"

"Tsukiyomi may be the god of the Moon, but even a god fears his old schoolmistress!" smiled Eirin.

Keine laughed. "Especially if she's a goddess herself!"

"Oh, Eirin…" sniffled Kaguya, burying her face in the pharmacist's shoulder. "I-I'm so glad… I couldn't bear to go back to that awful place. Thank you! Thank you so much! Oh, but when is this even going to end?" She reluctantly pulled free of the embrace, eyes wide with fear. "Are they just going to keep hounding us until the world finally comes to an end, and there's nothing left for us but an empty universe?!"

"They won't get the satisfaction. In Gensokyo, we stick together no matter what!" Reimu glared at Tsukiyomi. "Eirin, do you keep in touch with the other gods?"

"What?" Eirin blinked. "Um, yes, sometimes."

"Good. I think it's time we had a word with his sister."


	7. Day 8: ZUN's Music CDs

**~Odes from the Sapphic Sealing Club~**

Dreaming dreams of bright sunlit forests so sweet  
Nightmare youkai won't leave her cow'ring in bed  
Hospice beds she will be confined to. I fear  
Maribel fears none.

Mind of strings, long vectors an' quantum physics  
In a bold, pure-hearted explorer who loves  
Mysteries. She longs for the answers to all  
None more than my heart.

Maribel loves flowers and puddle-splashing  
Empty worlds can't empty her heart of love, truth  
Sadness, curiosity, all true feelings.  
I wish I felt so.

Renko scales trees, kicks all our foes with thick boots  
Never quivers, never lets fear come over  
Me or any. I want to fight with such strength  
No-one could hurt us.

Two young women trapped in a world where all love  
Seems to lie in history, dead like Shakespeare  
Too unscientific to grace the new age.  
Sod that. You go, girls!

 **~Author's Note~**

Of all the stuff I wrote for this year's Gensokyo Festival, this Sapphic ode could well be the poem I am most proud of. It was written from the perspectives of Renko and Maribel, if that wasn't clear, with the last one being from an outside observer.


	8. Day 10: The PC-98 Era

**~Tales from the Forgotten OS~**

"WAKE ME UP!"

"WAKE ME UP INSIIIIIDE!"

"I CAN'T WAKE UP!"

"WAKE ME UP INSIIIIIDE!"

"S… Save me from the… I love you, Mima!" Unable to sing a moment longer, Marisa dropped her hair brush, pounced on Mima and squeezed her lovingly. "Gods, I've missed this… I've missed you so much!"

"Missed what? The terrible singing, me using your broom as a guitar?" giggled Mima. "Or maybe you miss the brush…"

"I missed all of it!" wailed Marisa. "I had the best childhood ever, thanks to you, and-and I never wanted it to end! And I'm s-so grateful. And stuff."

"Oh, come on, don't get all soppy on me! You know I would've done the same for any kid with huge inborn magical powers who came from an abusive household," laughed Mima.

"Oh, Mima. I haven't seen you in years!" Marisa hugged Mima again, luxuriating in the soft warmth of her familiar blue dress. "I'm allowed to be a little soppy, aren't I? You mean the world to me!"

"Yeah, I suppose…" Mima wrapped Marisa in her arms. She was surprised by how big Marisa had grown: instead of a small teenage girl, she was a fearsome four-foot-three woman just bursting with strength and energy. Mima leant down and kissed her cheek. "To be honest, you mean the world to me too."

Marisa burst into tears, quickly soaking Mima's dress.

"So, anyway, um… Uh…" Mima waited while Marisa dried her eyes. "What've you been doing all these years?"

"Oh, y'know…" Marisa sniffed. "Fighting, drinking, getting a decent supply of girlfriends…" She smiled warmly, her eyes still red and puffy. "Saved the world a few times, too."

Mima tilted her head. "Reimu told me you were one of the good guys now. Why is that?"

"Eh? Um, I don't exactly think of myself as a 'good guy'… Gensokyo is sort of like my personal playground, and I don't want anyone else messing with it. That's the only reason I'm on Reimu's side. To help her protect it."

Mima smiled and shook her head. "You never could fool me, Marisa. Don't worry, I won't hate you just because you've grown a conscience. Write you out of all my evil plans, maybe, but I could never hate you!"

Marisa could feel her eyes filling with even more tears. Her second-biggest worry for some time had been that Mima would reject her as soon as she found out she was resolving Incidents.

"As for me," Mima carried on regardless, "I've been writing a travelogue! 'Losing Gracefully to Shrine Maidens on Five Hundred Yen a Day', I call it. It'll be just the thing for the Makaian tourist agency!"

Marisa went pale. "They've started a third one?!"

"Um, they have? Have they?" Mima blinked. "I thought the second one was still going…"

"It did for a while, but Shinki wasn't having it. 'Too risky', she said, and she threatened to kick Kana out of Makai… Then Reimu came along to beat Kana up, she found Shinki ticking her off, and they just sort of stared at each other for a minute," Marisa recounted. "It's… It was pretty awkward."

"Ah… Old wounds, eh?"

"A few," said Marisa. "As long as we don't bother Makai, the demons don't bother us." She sighed. "I wish I could make things right between our worlds, but after that Mystic Square business… Shinki just doesn't want to hear it."

* * *

"Yuki, be silent! I don't want to hear it!"

The tranquility of Shinki's palace at the heart of Pandaemonium was sorely lacking. The ivory-winged goddess herself was pacing furiously up and down in front of her throne, much to the consternation of the witch petitioning her.

"Please, Lady Shinki, listen to reason! I have been brutally mistreated by-"

"Shut up!"

"I will not shut up! Do you expect me to just put up with this cruelty?!" snapped Yuki. "Mai and Yumeko have gone too far, and they are your responsibility!"

Shinki put her head in her hands and took a few deep breaths. "Yuki, listen. Listen to me. Mai and Yumeko are grown women, as are you. Yes, it was wrong of Yumeko to give Mai an extra scoop of ice cream, and yes, it was wrong of Mai to gloat like that, but I have a terrorist cell in the Magma Labyrinth to deal with, AND this bloody tourist agency that simply won't die! For my sake, just work things out between the three of you!"

"B-but…" Yuki's lip wobbled. "I don't know how to work things out…"

"Well, nor do I, but we've got this far, haven't we?! Haven't we, huh?!" screamed Shinki. "Almost twenty years now, and I haven't blown up a single city with my ultimate attack! NOT ONE SINGLE CITY! If I can accomplish that much, what's stopping you?!"

"Um…" Yuki had a feeling she ought to leave before her future grew any bleaker. "Thank you for, um, seeing me. I-I'll just, um, go and do that! Yes, of course. Bye!"

Shinki watched in some alarm as Yuki sprinted out of the throne room. She heard the witch's shoes clattering on the floor, growing steadily fainter as she approached the front door.

Shinki cupped her hands over her mouth. "Yuki, DON'T SLAM THE-"

A terrible crash echoed through the palace. At that very moment, Shinki realised her therapist was going to have a difficult week.

* * *

"Come on, Marisa, chin up! It's not as if Gensokyo depends on trade with Makai," said Mima brightly. "Cutting yourself off from a beloved trading partner would be beyond stupid, wouldn't it?"

"Yeah, no-one would be that dumb." Marisa sighed. "We had some good times in Makai, though, didn't we?"

"You bet we did! Fighting demons, running away from demons, hanging out with Rika and her tank collection, meeting Chiyuri and her hypervessel thingy…" Mima frowned in confusion. "Actually, weren't there two Chiyuris? I saw them talking to each other once."

"There was another me as well," Marisa pointed out. "That was one of our weirder adventures, wasn't it? Still, I did get to sleep with myself, and she is SERIOUSLY good!"

Mima stared at her in amazement.

Marisa giggled. "Have you seen Chiyuri and the rest of the Probability Space gang lately? Mimi-Chan's been a bit down in the dumps, and I don't know why…"

"You still have that sentient atom bomb, do you?" Mima smiled sweetly. "Now, this could have possibilities! Maybe Reimu would lend me one of her orbs in exchange-"

"Don't even think about it! Even if I did help you, Mimi-Chan doesn't want to live as a bomb any more."

"Oh, you're no fun any more…" pouted Mima. "Um, no, I haven't seen Yumemi or anyone. I think they're happy enough exploring time… And space… And literally everything."

* * *

"Yumemi! Yumemi, quick, activate the repair bubble!"

Rikako was tearing across the meadow as fast as her one battered combat-boot and one scuffed plimsole could carry her. Behind her, a blocky grey vehicle that looked like a cross between a tricycle and a double-decker bus was charging along in pursuit. The horse-sized machine gun on top was blasting away with a fury.

"What? Repair bubble?!" Yumemi's harried voice crackled out of the decades-old smart watch on Rikako's wrist. "I told you, we don't have the energy! We've got armour on the front, Rikako, that'll have to do!"

"Well, get ready, 'cause it's coming in fast! And so am I!"

Rikako skidded to a halt beside the mining rig, a larger vehicle with two immense drills strapped to the front. Each of its six wheels was tall enough that Rikako could use the tyre as a paddling pool, but the two narrow-gauge laser turrets on top were useless without a skilled operator. Instead of which they had Chiyuri.

Rikako wrenched open the door and flung herself into the vehicle. She had barely got it shut behind her when the first few shots sent her stumbling. She half-crawled up the rusty metal stairs to the cab.

"Rikako! Thank the gods you're all right!" Chiyuri took Rikako by the hand and half-dragged her over to the pilot's chair.

The scanner beeped in a vaguely meaningful way. Yumemi read out the report. "It's a Galactic Survey tech, registered as 'Big Tony'. The tech, not the pilot. Kind of weird. Low-strength armaments-"

An explosion shook the trio's mining rig.

"Ah… There goes one of the boosters," said Yumemi nervously.

"Shut up! Rikako, take evasive action! I'll try to take out his gun!" bellowed Chiyuri.

"Yes, ma'am!" Rikako took hold of the steering sphere and floored the accelerator, almost jolting her out of her chair. Chiyuri scowled in concentration, gazing intently at her periscanner screen as she sprayed laser bolts in the Big Tony's general direction. Yumemi twiddled her thumbs and tried to look as if she was doing something useful.

Rikako tried desperately to wrestle their tech into something resembling an evasive manoeuvre, but it was no use. A wheel blew up, then the armour shattered, and then one of the Big Tony's bullets smashed through the front windscreen, killing them all.

Yumemi was scowling heavily as she pulled off her VR headset. "This game is no fun at all! And you're not exactly making it any better, Chiyuri. I kept telling you we should've gone for a fast, agile tech, but no…"

"If we had just used the repair bubble like Rikako suggested-"

"We'd be dead anyway, and you'd still be blaming me!" Yumemi cuffed Chiyuri upside the head. "That's the last time I play this 'Terror Trek' thing and/or let you be in charge."

Chiyuri pouted and rubbed her bruised skull. "It's 'TerraTech'…"

"I don't care! Go and scrub the hyper-manifold plasma flux distribution matrix matrix." Yumemi was proud of the fact that she owned enough hyper-manifold plasma flux distribution matrices to put them all in a matrix of their very own.

"What?! But it's my day off-"

Yumemi threw a punch at Chiyuri's face, but found her fist smashing painfully into the Probability Space Hypervessel's shiny interior wall as the young sailor scampered away.

"Yumemi, you really need to stop doing that," said Rikako reproachfully. "She's trying her best, and it is her day off."

"Well, it shouldn't be! We're scientists, not-! Not gaming addicts! I mean, the nerve of it, asking me to play that stupid game…"

"Yumemi," said Rikako heavily, "it was your idea for us to play virtual reality games together. The responsibility rests entirely on your shoulders."

"Oh, shut up." Yumemi threw her headset against the computer screen. "And remind me never to become a miner, won't you?"

* * *

"Hey, Mima?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you caught up with Yuuka recently?"

Mima paused in mid-grilled-cheese-sandwich, a foodstuff well-suited to reminiscing. "Um, yes… sort of. Actually, I, um… I think I have to go now."

"What?! Oh, can't you stay a bit longer? You've only just got here!" cried Marisa.

"No, I have to… I have something I need to do. Nothing to worry about, just… A very important thing." Mima shifted nervously. "Which I can't tell you about."

Marisa groaned. "Tell me you didn't challenge Yuuka to a duel."

"Um…"

"Ah, Mima! There you are!"

Bedecked in red and white tartan, the Flower Master of the Four Seasons strode in through Marisa's door. Straight through it. Splintered wood clattered onto the floor and cracked beneath Yuuka's feet.

"You seem to have forgotten about our duel." Yuuka pointed sharply up at Marisa's grandfather clock. "Half past three, you said. It is now thirty-one minutes past."

Mima laughed nervously. "I'm only human. Since you're here, we can, um…"

"Start immediately? Good thinking!" Yuuka strolled back out again.

"You can pay for the door when you get back!" bellowed Marisa. "Good grief, what have you gotten yourself into?"

"Oh, just… Just a duel." Mima squared her shoulders. "I opined to Yuuka that my own Twilight Spark is the most powerful attack in existence, but she seems to believe her own Master Spark is superior."

Marisa snorted. "As if! I've out-Sparked her dozens of times. Well, a few times. Well, once. Sort of."

"Really? You can use Master Sparks as well?" Mima raised her eyebrows. "You never fail to amaze-"

"Will you please come along?" said Yuuka tetchily. "As for the door, I am liable to bite off your fingers one by one if I hear any more complaints."

Marisa scowled. "Kick her FAT, HAIRY ARSE for me, will you, Mima?"

"I don't know, I think it looks quite toned… If I had feet, though, I'd definitely kick it." Mima took a deep breath and unlimbered her staff. "Wish me luck!"

Marisa gave Mima a kiss on the cheek. "I love you… Father."

"…Bit weird, but I love you, too!"

Marisa watched from her shattered doorway as Mima and Yuuka filled the sky with bullets. For one brief moment, she saw that same tired, strangely pixellated woman in pyjamas who had come so close to killing her after their first meeting, and she remembered the vengeful spirit whose anger had never burned brighter than when her apprentice, her sister, her daughter, was in peril.

She remembered her purple dress and red hair, which had seemed like such a good idea back then. She remembered Reimu, in trousers too big for her and hair too purple. She remembered Alice, with a gap in her front teeth, cute little braces to hold her dress and a big blue bow in her hair. Or had that been a different Alice? It was hard to tell with Makai.

Yuuka wasn't pixellated any more, though, and Reimu's trousers fit perfectly on those rare occasions she wore them. Marisa's dress was black, her hair blonde, and the days of her past were stepping-stones she had already leapt across on the road to her future. She had learned countless skills, grown stronger than she'd ever thought possible. She was going to be the strongest witch who ever lived, and she would never die.

Marisa's eyes shone like the sun. Four orbs of glowing light burst into the air beside her as she soared towards the fight, screaming the name of her attack. "Yuuka, you big bully, I'll show you! ORRERIES SUN!"

Once the smoke had cleared, Mima and Yuuka joined forces to scold Marisa for ruining their duel. All was forgiven, however, when she offered them some mushroom wine and blackberry tart.


	9. Day 11: Mountain of Faith

**~Tales from the Great Mountain~**

The Waterfall of the Nine Heavens sparkled in the morning sun as it flowed ceaselessly down over the mighty grey slopes of Youkai Mountain. Its waters fell past trees and dove under rickety wooden bridges to tumble into a deep, clear pool at the deepest end of Genbu Ravine.

The swampy valley stood still in the warm morning light; only the river snaking between the muddy banks and concrete quays was going anywhere in a hurry. The gentle roar of the hydroelectric dam was always there, joining the snores of a several hundred kappa to form the world's most relaxing din. Most of the kappa would be snoozing until midday in their warm paddling-pools and communal swamps.

By contrast, the high slopes were a hive of motion. Flocks of tengu were steaming rice and grilling meat in the village square, warming their wings on the rooftops or soaring out over the forests. The printing presses were already clanking into action as Aya dragged Hatate out of bed and Momiji brought her some bacon and eggs, purely to annoy Aya. It was going to be a day like any other.

* * *

A few minutes' walk along the mostly-traversible path from the tengu village, a young goddess gazed out over the valley, the river, the fields and forests below. The mountains in the distance seemed to be dripping with gold as the sun rose over their peaks.

The girl was awestruck. Nothing she'd ever seen in the Outside World could compare to the wonder of nature. Not even Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Everybody was so happy and peaceful, even when they were fighting, and for the first time in her life, the living goddess felt truly at home.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Sanae looked up in surprise as Kanako emerged from the ornate wooden shrine. The mighty storm goddess sat herself on the wooden decking, put her arm around Sanae's shoulders and gazed out over Gensokyo.

Sanae smiled. "You're so right. It's beautiful! I love Gensokyo so much!"

"And we live on the best mountain ever…" sighed Kanako.

"There's just so much Youkai Mountain to love! The grass, the boulders, the little streams, the waterfalls, the trees, the fairies…!" gushed Sanae.

"Oh, if only we could charge people for access! That'd make me the happiest goddess in the world!" cried Kanako, caught between desire and despair.

"…Um." Sanae had learned how to cope with Kanako's more mercantile moments. "Hey, Lady Suwako? Have you ever thought about charging for access to the beauty of nature?"

Kanako's eyes widened with horror. "Sanae, how could you think of-"

"Scourge Sign: Mishaguji-Sama!"

Sanae dove into the flower bed seconds before the shrine exploded. She'd been hoping Suwako would just have a few stern words with Kanako, but they did move in mysterious ways after all…

* * *

By-and-by, a storm brewed over the mountain.

"Now, that's rotten luck," sighed Momiji, handing her empty plate to the wolf tengu on washing-up duty. "I thought we had an agreement with that snake goddess! No storms during the Summer."

"I don't think it's Kanako's fault this time. Look up there!" cried Aya, pointing up over the highest rooftops to the stark grey slopes above. A red-and-green misfortune goddess was balanced on the very tip of the mountain, spinning so fast her whole body was a blur.

"Hi… Hina Kagiyama?! Up there?! We have to get rid of her!" Momiji drew her scimitar. "Aya, flank her from the rear! Hatate, get above her and pen her in with your stock images! I'll draw her fire!"

"Sorry, were you talking to me?" Aya was busy slotting a new reel of film into her camera. "Go ahead and pummel her. I'll just be over here."

Hatate gave her a look. "Don't blame us if your house gets washed away…"

"But Hatate, don't we live together?" said Aya sweetly. "Guess I won't bother getting your stuff out of the rain!"

"Rrrrgh! You-! You selfish, good for nothing bird-brain!" Momiji kicked at a random boulder, smashing it to rubble. "Fine, laze around while we fight bravely for queen and country. I'm sure that won't end badly for you."

"Don't let me keep you, then. Toodle-pip!" said Aya, waving cheekily.

Muttering furiously under her breath, Momiji stormed up the pinnacle of the mountain. Thanks to Hina, she stubbed three of her toes on the way. Hatate smashed face-first through several trees, getting all scratched and battered. She could hear Aya laughing at them both. Hatate sighed heavily, flew up and kicked Aya in the face.

"Hina! Oi, Hina!" Momiji grabbed one of the goddess's long ribbons and gave it a yank. Hina spun to a confused stop.

"Uh, c-can I help you?" Hina laughed nervously. "And can I have my shoulder-wrap back, please?"

"I'll say you can help me. Your misfortune is going to bring down the mountain!" snapped Momiji. "Well, um, theoretically. Look, we don't want you here!"

"What?! But it's so pointy!" whined Hina. "I can spin so well up here! How am I supposed to resist?!"

Momiji shrugged. "Willpower. It isn't my problem at the end of the day."

"That's easy for you to say. I'm not leaving, though." Hina retrieved her spell-cards. "Do you want to go, tengu? 'Cause I'm ready for you!"

"Count on it! Hatate, make sure you get my best side!" Momiji raised her sword above her head and flew at Hina.

* * *

 **~Author's Note~**

I wasn't too happy with this story when I wrote it. It was all right, certainly, but kind of "average". I rewrote the first section entirely and touched up the rest to make the plot flow a little better, and added some Hatate, because she's lovely. Hope you liked it.


	10. Day 12: Gods

**~The Gospel of Role Reversal~**

"Nice potatoes, Minorin. I bet they're not crunchy underfoot, though!"

As always, her sister's smug smile made Minoriko flush with rage. "Don't worry, Shizu-chan, I'm sure your face is crunchy underfoot."

"Well, my face actually looks good, unlike you with your fat, dimpled cheeks," said Shizuha.

"Much like your feet," pouted Minoriko. "If you think your feet are anywhere near as cute as mine, take off those plimsoles!"

"If you think you can crunch through autumn leaves and stomp in the mud with half as much beauty and majesty as I do, put some on!" snapped Shizuha.

"Beauty?! Majesty?! All you do is paint a bunch of stupid leaves! I call forth the nourishing bounty of nature!" Minoriko threw her basket of sweet potatoes at Shizuha's feet. "I bloody dare you to eat one of them and tell me I'm not the true queen of the autumn."

"Uncooked? Are you trying to poison me?!" Shizuha kicked the basket into the bushes, scattering sweet potatoes far and wide. "I've had it up to here with you! Come on!"

"I'll rip your face off, you good-for-nothing cow!" roared Minoriko, charging at Shizuha.

"I'll shove your hat up your bum, you ugly daughter of a mongoose!" roared Shizuha, charging at Minoriko.

"Stop it! Will you two please stop it?!" a voice boomed from on high.

The goddesses both jumped. They shuffled their feet guiltily as a plump woman marched towards them. She was crowned with a circlet of seaweed, and her short geta sandals appeared to be made of chocolate.

"Um," said Minoriko.

"Um," said Shizuha.

"This rivalry of yours has gone on far too long. I can't hear myself think!" the woman in chocolate sandals ranted. "Is it really that important which one of you is 'the best'? You both do an important job, and that should be enough for any goddess. I mean, I don't pick fights with Sakuyahime over who has the most important job..."

"You're a goddess too?" asked Shizuha.

"Of course. I am Uke Mochi, goddess of food," said the stranger proudly.

"Wow, really?! I always wanted to meet you!" Minoriko's eyes lit up with joy. "Please try one of my sweet potatoes! I'll go and get you one!"

"Wait just a minute, will you? I'm not here to eat potatoes." Uke Mochi's face was grave. "I'm here to put a stop to your feuding. The seasons have been messed up enough this year, and management don't want either of you causing more trouble."

The Aki Sisters gulped as one. "Management" meant Lord Izanagi and Lady Izanami, and they took everything seriously.

"For one week, you will both switch jobs. Shizuha, you'll be in charge of bringing about a good harvest; Minoriko, you'll be in charge of painting the leaves red. If either of you refuse, I shall place a curse on your respective food products for the next seven years," said Uke Mochi.

"A curse?" Shizuha grinned evilly. "I think I'll go and take a nap now. Have fun with your cursed potatoes, little sis!"

"Autumn leaves are also food," said Uke Mochi sharply. "Do you want to be run out of Gensokyo by starving insects, Shizuha?"

"Um..." Shizuha glared petulantly at her majestic plimsole-clad feet. "No."

"Good." Uke Mochi smiled. "While I'm here, want any Turkish delight?"

"Ooh, yes!" cried Shizuha, licking her lips.

"NO!" wailed Minoriko, who had heard which orifice Uke Mochi usually got her Turkish delight from.

* * *

The following day, Shizuha got up at the crack of dawn to fertilise the sweet potatoes. Actually, no, that wasn't strictly true. Minoriko practically had to drag her out of bed and force-feed her strong coffee. After a miserable, hour-long breakfast, Shizuha finally ran out of excuses and trudged out into the back garden.

"Right..." Shizuha inspected the sweet potato patch. All she saw were rows upon rows of leaves in rich brown earth. "Um, Minoriko? Minoriko, where are the sweet potatoes?!"

"Underground!" Minoriko shouted through the kitchen window.

"Oh." Shizuha knelt beside one of the sweet potato plants and moved a few handfuls of earth out of the way. She soon uncovered a small tuber, dusted brown with mud. "Right, then. Hey, Minoriko, what the heck do I do now?!"

"Fertilise them!" replied Minoriko.

Shizuha gritted her teeth. "And exactly how am I supposed to do that, sister dear?"

"Use your imagination! You're a goddess!"

"I'm the goddess of AUTUMN LEAVES, not bloody fertilising and stuff!"

Minoriko stormed out of the cottage and thrust a wooden basket and a pair of battered gardening gloves into Shizuha's hands. "Use manure or leaf mulch or something. Make sure you work it into the soil, then water it thoroughly."

"Ah... Work it into the soil?"

"Stomp on it or something!"

Shizuha's eyes widened. "You do that BAREFOOT?!"

"I'm a harvest goddess, remember? I have divine feet," said Minoriko heavily.

"Well, if I do that, the potatoes will probably wither. Got any decent boots?" asked Shizuha.

"Um, no..."

Shizuha sighed. "A hoe, a spade, anything?"

"Oh, of course! They're in the shed."

"Good. Wait, we have a shed?!" Shizuha's eyes widened. "Where, exactly?"

Minoriko threw her hands up. "Just bloody look for it! I can't solve everything for you, can I?!"

"If you tried to solve everything for me, we'd both be dead!" snapped Shizuha. "Shouldn't you be off painting the leaves, anyhow? They need a bit more orange and yellow."

"Leaves? Oh, my days, I forgot!" gasped Minoriko. "Um, how do I-"

"Figure it out, you lazy, good-for-nothing tosser!" Shizuha slung the basket over her shoulder and marched off in what she thought was the direction of the shed.

* * *

After a brief but frenzied search, Minoriko had managed to find some autumn-tone paints and a few rather tatty brushes under her sister's bed. She changed into a frilly paint-proof apron, packed herself a bento box and strolled out into the forest.

"Right... Leaves..." All around her, the trees were crowned with green and gold. A few dead leaves crunched beneath her feet, but most of them were still on the trees.

Did Shizuha also have to make the leaves fall? Minoriko had never bothered to ask her. It would probably add to her workload quite a bit, so Minoriko decided she wasn't going to bother. She still had to paint the things, though. How would that work...?

Minoriko approached a tall oak tree and flew up into the branches. She seated herself on a sturdy, knobbly bough, unhooked her hat from a low-hanging branch, rested her pots of paint on a flat bit and set to work.

The first few leaves did not end up looking good. Minoriko had painted them orange all over, leaving them plasticky and artificial-looking. She managed to blend her colours on the next half-dozen, but they still looked nothing like proper autumn leaves. Minoriko threw her paintbrush down onto the forest floor, plucked a few hairs from her head and set upon the next leaf with grim determination.

"Damn it, I give up..." A few leaves later, Minoriko had lost what felt like half her head to the sticky paint. Her hands and clothes were covered in the stuff.

"Bit early for that, ain't it? The tree's still alive." Komachi was leaning nonchalantly against a neighbouring tree.

"What? Um, no, sorry. I wasn't literally damning the tree..." said Minoriko sheepishly. "Say, you're a woman of the world, aren't you? Do you have any idea how I can paint leaves properly?"

"Eh?" Komachi squinted up into the tree. "Wait, you're the other one... Ain't your sister around?"

"Uke Mochi forced us to swap jobs for the week. I'm on leaf-painting duty," explained Minoriko.

Komachi burst out laughing. "That's so like her! I bet she gave you the old 'These orders come straight from the top!' routine too..."

Minoriko gasped. "You mean she might've lied?!"

"'Course she did! She means well, but she can't keep 'er nose out of no-one's business. Just like my own dear, sainted Lady Eiki," said Komachi. "You should go an' knock some sense into 'er. Someone needs ta."

"Ah... Perhaps not," said Minoriko, who had only one decent spell-card to her name. "Thanks for the advice."

Komachi shrugged. "Suit yerself."

Minoriko shifted to reach the next leaf. Her knee connected with the jar of dark orange paint, sending it tumbling down to earth in a wide orange splatter. After a moment's quiet contemplation, she put her head in her hands and cried.

* * *

"So..." said Minoriko.

"I would not call that a runaway success," sighed Shizuha.

A long, miserable week had passed. The sisters were stuffing themselves with sweet potatoes in front of the fire. Minoriko was orange, yellow and red all over after a couple more paint spillages, but even she had to feel sorry for Shizuha, who had two big holes in her foot following a rather nasty accident with the garden fork.

"Painting leaves really is hard..." Minoriko sighed as well. "I don't know how you manage it."

"A lifetime of practice, I suppose." Shizuha took another sweet potato and chewed it thoughtfully. "How do you cope with all that gardening, though?! There's so much to dig up and bury and water and fertilise and pull up and- and it's just so incredibly, mind-numbingly boring!"

"Probably a lifetime of practice here, too," said Minoriko. "I don't even know which one of us has the most important job any more. If we're going by difficulty, though, yours is definitely the hardest."

"Oh, no, gardening is way harder than painting!" cried Shizuha.

"Well, it's easy for me, because I've learned how to do it. Much like you with your painting, right?" said Minoriko.

"I suppose so..." Shizuha glowered at her perforated foot. "There's one thing I'm sure we can agree on, though."

"Oh? What's that?"

"Uke Mochi needs to die in a fire."

Minoriko smiled. "I think Susano-o's ahead of you there..."


	11. Day 13: Gensokyo

**~All Rise for the National Anthem of Gensokyo~**

Looking out a lattice-frame window,  
Down below, Orin and her barrow go rushing by.  
I sit here and gaze up into the sky.

In the starlight, everyone's rising.  
This is Stage One, so energising. Hand in hand,  
Let's search for the beat in this wonderland.

Into town the youkai are going,  
Let's fight back and make a good showing!  
We're the kids in Gensokyo! Whoa-oh!  
We're the kids in Gensokyo! Whoa-oh!  
Everybody fight for the dream that goes on!

Bright lights, the barrage goes wild,  
Look girl, don't check your graze metre, not another glance.  
I won't waste a bomb, honey, not a chance.

Hot-shot (shot), show me some spirit,  
Next morning, baby, you'll look back and laugh out loud.  
Play the game, I won't rest 'till I do you proud.

Kind hearts can get the best ending,  
Kind hearts we'll all be defending!  
We're the kids in Gensokyo! Whoa-oh!  
We're the kids in Gensokyo! Whoa-oh!  
Everybody fight for the dream that goes on!

La-la-la-la-la-la-la!  
La-la-la-la-la-la-la!  
Ze!  
La-la-la-la-la-la-la!  
La-la-la-la-la-la-la!

Graze closer, honey, that's better,  
I can feel my heart singing out as I feel the heat.  
Oh, don't let it stop, baby, hold the beat.

Down below, the sake is flowing.  
Our last bullets soon will be glowing, make 'em count.  
My Last Word is this, baby:

Hakugyokurou to Kourindou,  
Girls in bloomers bathe in danmaku!  
We're the kids in Gensokyo! Whoa-oh!  
We're the kids in Gensokyo! Whoa-oh!  
Eastern Wonderland forever we'll sing!

La-la-la-la-la-la-la!  
La-la-la-la-la-la-la!  
Ze!  
La-la-la-la-la-la-la!  
La-la-la-la-la-la-la!

We're the kids! We're the kids! We're the kids in Gensokyo!  
We're the kids! We're the kids! We're the kids in Gensokyo!  
We're the kids! We're the kids! We're the kids in Gensokyo!  
Etc!


	12. Day 14: Subterranean Animism

**~Fun in the Artificial Sun~**

"A picnic, Utsuho?"

"Mm-hmm!" Decked out in a wide, floppy hat and an adorable yellow pinafore, clutching her laden picnic basket to her chest, Utsuho was the very picture of an eager beaver. "We both have the afternoon off, so why not?"

"Why not indeed? I'm sure it would be very good fun." Satori neglected to mention that she hardly ever had any afternoons on; most of her time was spent snuggling with her pets, making sure they were doing their jobs properly and dipping into her sizeable manga collection. "Where are you going to have this picnic, though?"

"On the beach, right next to the Blazing Fires!" said Utsuho breezily.

Satori choked on her plum wine. "It-it's a more than fifty degrees down there! I'd never survive! Are you sure you don't want to go somewhere cooler?"

Utsuho's face fell. "You're not coming? I know a really nice patch of obsidian we could sit on. It's barely hot enough to melt chocolate, and there's a lovely breeze from the sulphur vents..."

"No, thanks!" Satori shuddered.

"All right, then, suit yourself. I'll bring you back some lava!" Utsuho slung the basket over her shoulder, spilling half its contents all over the floor. She apologised profusely and made a half-hearted attempt at cleaning up.

"Just go..." sighed Satori. "Wait, don't step on that-!"

"Aiyeeeee!" wailed Utsuho, slipping on an egg and cress sandwich. Her basket spun into the air, scattering food far and wide.

* * *

Fortunately, Satori and Koishi had plenty of pets willing to eat germ-laden food off the floor. The immune system of an animal-turned-youkai was truly something to behold, and the clean-up operation turned into an impromptu dance party when Koishi started using her soapy sponges as roller-skates.

"So, anyway," said Utsuho, absentmindedly brushing some rice out of her hair, "how about that picnic?"

Rin blinked. "We've had it, haven't we?"

"Nah, this was just cleaning. I do feel kind of full, though..." Utsuho gave her stomach a contemplative pat. "How about afternoon tea instead?"

"Next to the Blazing Fires?" said Rin.

Utsuho nodded.

"Great! I need to work on my tan," smiled Rin. "Lady Satori, are you-"

"Sorry. It'll be far too hot for me," Satori cut in. "And no, I'm not willing to dig into the communal ice cream supply unless you're going somewhere comfortable for everyone."

Rin pouted magnificently.

"Well, you'd be able to buy more ice-cream for yourself if you didn't waste your money on pogs from Kourindou," Satori pointed out.

Rin sighed.

Satori glared at her. "I don't believe in thoughtcrimes, but just for the record, I have an entirely healthy body. As for my parentage-"

"Um, m-moving swiftly on!" Utsuho stepped in between them and clamped a hand over Rin's mouth. "Hey, Koakuma, do you want to come?"

"Her name's Koishi!" said Satori sharply.

"That... That's what I said. Koi-thingy." Utsuho frowned. "Do you wanna come, Soga no Emishi?"

"It's KOishi..." sighed Satori.

"Apples," said Koishi dreamily. "Apple juice by the shores of the Tiber!"

Utsuho gave Satori a beseeching look.

"She's never mentioned the Tiber before, but I do believe that was a yes..." Satori sighed. "Take one punnet of ice-cream, then. I don't want her getting heatstroke."

* * *

With a wheelbarrow full of ice cream, sweetmeats, cake and plenty of drinks, Utsuho, Rin and Koishi set off at a leisurely pace for the ruins of Blazing Hell.

"Lovely day for it, isn't it?" said Rin.

"Yep. I am quite proud of that artificial sun," said Utsuho, looking directly at the radiant orb like an idiot.

"Well, I'm jealous of your nuclear fusion powers!"

The trio looked up in amazement to see Parsee, dangling by the neck from a half-mile-long rope.

"Parsee?!" cried Utsuho. "How'd you attach your rope to the ceiling?!"

"More to the point, what the heck are you doing?!" gasped Rin.

"I couldn't bear to see Kisume and Yamame having all the dangling fun, so I decided to join them," sniffed Parsee. "Now I'm jealous of all the people who don't have rope burns around their necks... Where are you two going, anyway?"

"For a picnic by the Blazing Fires!" declared Utsuho.

"And we were just on our way to invite you along!" said Rin quickly.

Parsee's face lit up. "Really?! Oh, you shouldn't have! Wait here a moment..." She struggled mightily against the rope until she plummeted onto the floor. "Owwww... Uh, who else have you invited?"

Rin and Utsuho looked at each other.

"Every time I close my eyes, I see the inside of my eyelids!" giggled Koishi.

"Right..." said Parsee patiently. "Well, I'm going to invite our other friends. They don't deserve to be left out."

* * *

"Aaaghh... So hot..." groaned Yuugi. She was slumped on top of a boulder beside the massive lake of fire, sweating enough to fill a small bucket every minute.

"Not hot enough to warm my ice-cold heart," said Kisume, her voice empty of emotion. She'd parked her bucket among some shards of obsidian, and was currently halfway through a rather messy pain au chocolat.

"Well, aren't you lucky? My insides are shrivelling up," whimpered Yamame. "Why would you bring us here, Parsee?! It's horrible!"

"I didn't want you to feel left out..." whispered Parsee. She was spreadeagled face-down on the picnic mat in nothing but her bloomers, bright red and drenched in sweat. "Gods, I... I'm so jealous of how well Okuu and Orin are handling the heat..."

Rin was on her fifth ball of mochi. "We've still got some ice cream left," she said, her voice muffled by sweet, sticky yumminess. "It's a bit runny, though... If you don't have the strength to stand up, I'll pour some into your mouth!"

"That might just save my life..." croaked Parsee, rolling onto her back.

Utsuho blushed and looked away.

"You're not missing much," said Parsee darkly. "I'll bet you have much bouncier-"

"APPLE JUICE BY THE BANKS OF THE TIBER!" screamed Utsuho, covering her ears.

Rin retrieved the mostly-empty punnet of ice cream, took a funnel from her pocket, and knelt beside Parsee. Slowly, carefully, she began to pour the lukewarm vanilla-flavoured treat into Parsee's mouth. And all over her face.

"Mmmphflglub! S-stop! Stop!" spluttered Parsee, batting the funnel aside. "Just.. Just give me the box."

Rin handed over the box. Parsee stood up and poured the ice cream on top of her head.

"Ahhh..." Parsee reveled in the coolness of it all.

"You selfish, inappropriate prat!" Yuugi punched Parsee in the face, sending her tumbling across the sweltering beach. She crashed into Yamame and grabbed hold of her, and the two of them rolled to a stop at Koishi's feet.

"Yay! Football time!" Koishi drew back her foot for a mighty kick. The last thought that passed through Parsee's head before the foot struck was how desperately she wished to be as strong and athletic as Koishi.

* * *

Utsuho's next picnic took place five weeks later. Satori insisted on taking charge of the food, location, invitations, supplies, plans in case of bad weather, travel insurance, activities, seating arrangements, spare clothes, emergency evacuation protocols and convincing Parsee to keep her clothes on. Utsuho was responsible for planning the games, which delighted her. Knowing that Satori valued her independence was a wonderful feeling.

In spite of Satori's best efforts, Yamame managed to tie Koishi up in the silk tennis net and send her rolling down into Kappa Valley. Kisume's bucket capsized during the rescue operation, almost drowning her, and Utsuho lost her concrete leg-warmer in the mud. She was inconsolable. Satori was later seen crying under a pub table in Former Hell.


	13. Day 15: Early Fighting Games

**~Attack on Watermelon~**

"Oi, Tenshi! Are you home?!"

"Urf…" Tenshi slowly pried her eyelids apart and immediately wished she hadn't. Drinking all night while the other Celestials recited poetry and ignored her completely always took it out of her. "More or less… Who are you?"

"It'sh me, of courshe!" Suika hiccupped loudly. "Your mum'sh planning a, like, a short of noh play, an' she wanted you for the thingy, the heroine'sh companion-"

"Tell her to go kill herself." Tenshi buried her head under the pillow and tried to get back to her dream. Let's see, Sakuya was just about to serve the roast ox-

"Come on, lazhy-bonesh, get up!" A small, pudgy hand grasped Tenshi by the forearm. Before she could react, she was being swung wildly above Suika's head, crying out in pain as her skin stretched and her arm popped out of its socket.

"That'sh more like it! Get up an'… an' crap the diadem!" Suika hurled Tenshi into the little peach grove. Tenshi crashed to a halt among the trees.

"Owww…" Tenshi pulled a few twigs out of her hair and wiped the worst of the peach juice off her nightshirt. "What time is it?"

"Jusht woke up," said Suika.

"That late?!" gasped Tenshi. "I'd better go and… do something! Or whatever. Uh, feel free to make yourself at home."

Suika took a blearly look around Tenshi's place. It wasn't much of a cloud; just a futon, a bookshelf, a stove and some weights, plus a few well-watered peach trees.

"Help yourself to my library," added Tenshi, selecting a few tasty-looking peaches from her trees. "Have you had breakfast? I've got some bread and cheese under my bed for people who aren't Celestials. It'll be a bit flat and pongy, but you might like it."

"Uh… I don't wanna imposhe…" Tenshi's library was nothing more than a few volumes of yuri manga, a copy of 'Journey to the West' and a few dozen Shonen Jump magazines in no particular order. "D'you wanna arm-wreshtle or shomething?"

"No way! You just dislocated my bloody arm!" said Tenshi ruefully. She winced as she forced it back into its socket. "If you want to arm-wrestle, try my mum. You could probably just snap her like a twig…"

"What if, like, we ushed our other armsh?!" cried Suika, glowing with pride over her amazing idea. "I mean, you ushe the one she didn't break, an' I ushe… Um… My equivalivalent one! Arm! Thingo!"

"No, thanks." Tenshi plonked herself down on the futon and ate her peaches, crunching the stones between her teeth like very small granite boulders.

"Oh, you're no fun…" Suika swatted Tenshi on the shoulder, sending her tumbling into her bookshelves. A heap of paperbacks and splintered wood fell on top of her.

Suika cringed drunkenly. "Whoopsh… Shouldn't'a done that, should I?"

"I'll say!" snapped Tenshi. She marched over to Suika, leaving a trail of mangled bookshelf in her wake, and gave the oni a swift kick in the face. Suika sailed right off the edge of the cloud.

* * *

"There we go!" said Tenshi, beaming with pride. "I'm sure that's not going to have any negative consequences whatsoever."

"Shtupid blue-haired meanie… I'll show her!"

"Wha-?" Sanae looked up and down the leafy forest track in amazement. "Lady Suwako, did you hear that?"

Suwako gave Sanae a questioning look. "I didn't hear anything. What did you hear?"

"A voice." Sanae's eyes were wide with fear. "It was coming from over there. Or there, maybe. Or there!" She pointed in three completely different directions.

"That's a huge help," said Suwako condescendingly. "It was probably just some youkai playing around. Come on, let's get back to-"

"I'm coming for you, Tenshi! Jusht wait 'til I work out which way ish up, I'll be out of thish shwamp in a jiffy!"

Sanae and Suwako almost jumped out of their skins. There was no mistaking it this time; a muffled, bubbly voice was coming from the muddy ditch next to the path.

Suwako stepped over a few brambles and approached the ditch. "Um, hello? Anyone in there?!"

Something stirred among the reeds and sludge. "I think I… I ish. Uh, am," the voice declared, bubbling up through the murky water. "I kind of fell in, and I can't sheem to, y'know, get out…"

"Are you stuck or just drunk?" asked Suwako.

Sanae shifted nervously. "I don't think we should stick around…"

"Come on, it's not as if that thing could beat the two of us!" said Suwako, smiling cockily.

"Whaddaya mean, 'thing'?! I am an oni!" The ditch bubbled and gurgled angrily as its resident spoke. "I'm the greatesht of them all, I am! Shuika Ikubi! I mean Ibiku! Whatever!"

Sanae looked at Suwako, who shrugged broadly.

"Tenshi short of kicked me offofof… of her cloud," Suika explained. "I'm gonna go an' shmash up Heaven, jusht ash shoon ash I can get out…"

Sanae gasped. "Smash up Heaven?! You can't! People live there!"

"They desherve it!" shnapped- sorry, snapped Suika. "It ish a bit high up, though… Maybe I'll jusht shmash up a few shrinesh, shee if Tenshi comesh down to try an' shtop me."

Now it was Suwako's turn to gasp. "But we live in a shrine!"

"No kidding?! Brilliant! You can show me where it ish!" said Suika delightedly.

"No way! If you even touch our shrine, I'll mash you!" snapped Suwako. "Come on, Sanae, we don't need to bother with her."

Suika exploded out of the ditch, showering Sanae and Suwako in mud and brackish water. Within a matter of seconds she was towering over them, growing taller at an incredible rate.

Suwako groaned. "I suppose I stand corrected…"

"RUN!" Sanae slung Suwako over her shoulder and booked it down the lane.

* * *

Suika's terrible rampage started out nothing more than a drunken totter over the meadows, with the now hundred-metre-tall oni kicking over the occasional tree. She soon set her sights on Youkai Mountain, at which point Kanako decided to do something.

"And I believe I know just the thing!" Kanako added, smiling a dangerous serpentine smile.

"Really?" Suwako was not convinced. "We've hardly tested him, and there's no telling what might happen if he blows up with us still inside…"

"Oh, do let's go, Lady Suwako! It'll be so much fun!" pleaded Sanae.

"Fine… If we all die horribly, I'm blaming you, Kanako."

The goddesses flew to the peak of Youkai Mountain as fast as they could. A youkai from the Former Capital of Former Hell was already waiting for them, her broken wagon wheel blazing around her neck. She led them along a narrow, crumbling ledge, then down a winding tunnel to the secret hangar.

The kappas, the tengu and all the people of the underground city had come together to build their new protector. As tall as a skyscraper and built almost entirely with recycled materials, he was truly a sight to behold, filling up the gigantic cave at the mountain's heart. Shifting lava lakes far below cast their orange glow over the titan's legs, with floodlights taking care of his upper body.

"I'm so excited!" Sanae tried to whisper, but her voice came out in an excited squeak. She soared up to the mech's head and slid back the hatch, which she held in place as Suwako and Kanako ducked inside.

Sanae squeezed into the cockpit, a kaleidoscope of glowing LEDs all around her. She slid into the pilot's seat, strapped herself in and immediately began examining the readouts. "Reactor at full capacity! Uranium reserves at ninety-seven percent! Main fuel tanks at one hundred percent in both arms!"

"Pilot's voice reaching critical annoyance levels! Recommend immediate smack upside the head!" said Kanako warningly.

"Sorry. I'm just so excited…" said Sanae sheepishly. "Everything seems all right. Can we get going?"

"Now's as good a time as any." Kanako activated the intercom system. "All systems are operational. Someone open the door, chop-chop!"

The peak of the mountain creaked slowly open, dropping half a ton of snow on top of a passing tengu. Late afternoon sunlight streamed in through the mech's windscreens, almost dazzling Sanae after her brief spell in the dark.

"All right, Sanae, bring us up nice and slowly-"

"Bring light to the tear-stained Gensokyo!" Sanae floored the accelerator. "Now, with all your might! Unleash your light, Super Robot! Hisoutensoku, ADVANCE!"

The mighty Hisoutensoku advanced out of the mountain, his turbines roaring as he took to the air. Kanako screamed and clung to Suwako. Sanae whooped with joy and pulled Hisoutensoku into a loop-the-loop, which almost smashed him flat against the mountainside.

Suwako screamed. "Sanae, what are you doing?! Just- just fly normally!"

"Hold me," whimpered Kanako, burying her face in Suwako's shoulder. Suwako held her and tenderly stroked her hair.

Sanae obediently flew the mech down past the tengu village and over the woods below. She could see Suika resting in the distance, ignoring the hail of stars and amulets pelting her while she slouched amid the Forest of Magic.

Suwako gasped. "She's-! She's sitting on Marisa's house!"

"How dare she?" growled Sanae. "The depravity of these giant monsters…! It makes my blood boil! To fail now is not an option! As you two are my witnesses, we will vanquish the bloodthirsty Suika and bring peace back to the world!"

"She… She's just drunk," said Kanako shakily. "But yes, let's get her. Slowly, please."

Hisoutensoku touched down in the clearing. Marisa and Reimu looked up in awe as he stormed towards Suika, grabbed her by the shoulders and hauled her onto her feet.

"H-hey! What givesh?!" cried Suika, wobbling a little. "How did… How'd'you get a shuit of armour that big?!"

The giant robot punched Suika in the face. She blinked a couple of times and toppled over backwards, flattening what was left of Marisa's house.

"Oh, you wanna go, do ya?!" Suika stood up, fell over again and carefully propped herself up on her elbows. "You big bully! I'll show you!"

Suwako snorted. "Show us how to fall asleep in a puddle of her own vomit, more like."

Kanako stared at her.

Unaware of the goddesses mocking her, Suika pounced on Hisoutensoku. Alarm bells sounded in the cockpit as he was bent over backwards.

Sanae's eyes narrowed. "Oh, no you don't. Full power to all motors!"

"Ah, that's the, um, green slider…?" Suwako nervously eyed her console.

"YELLOW DIAL!" snapped Kanako, for the four hundred and sixty-second time.

"R-right!" Suwako did the thing.

Suika cried out as Hisoutensoku forced her back, bearing down on her with incredible force. She swung her leg at her enemy's groin, succeeding only in stubbing her toe.

Hisoutensoku extended two fingers and took aim at Suika's eyes. Suika did not fall for it. With a mighty roar she swung the mech over her head and slammed him into the ground, smashing several trees into splinters.

"Damn it…!" The impact had broken Sanae's chair and sent her sprawling in the rear of the cockpit. "That thing is so strong! How can we ever hope to beat it?!"

"Thing? It's Suika…" Kanako pointed out.

"But we have to try!" Sanae forced herself to stand, screaming in pain as her battered legs took the strain. "Everyone is counting on is. Marisa, Reimu, all the children and the little bunnies… For their sake, we have to win! Selfish beings like Suika cannot be allowed to get away with their crimes. I could not live in that kind of world!"

Her eyes ablaze, Sanae flew up and grabbed the controls. "I… Won't… Lose! Chaaaaaaaarge!"

With smoke pouring from a dozen wounds, Hisoutensoku rose to his feet and ran at Suika. Before she knew what was happening a shining chrome fist ploughed into cheek, squashing her face and knocking her off her feet. Hisoutensoku grabbed her by the horns and took to the sky.

Suika kicked and screamed, but the mech held her firmly at arm's length as he carried her over the fields and forests. Finally he threw her onto a craggy hill in a shower of splintered wood.

Reimu screamed. "NO! My poor little shrine!"

"Your reign of terror is history, giant watermelon!" roared Sanae, expertly working the levers to aim Hisoutensoku's arm. "Now, you will feel the power of our ultimate attack! ROCKET PUNCH!"

Hisoutensoku's forearm broke off and blasted towards Suika. It smashed into her belly with an almighty thump, leaving a deep crater. The arm flew back and reattached itself with a click, leaving Suika shaking and crying.

After a few moments, Suika exploded. Hundreds of tiny, stocky, drunken onis drifted down from on high.

 **~Author's Note~**

I was quite proud of this one back when I wrote it, but even so it was heavily adapted. The fight at the end is all new; I didn't have the time to finish it back in February, but now we get the climactic punch-up the story deserves.


	14. Day 16: Unidentified Fantastic Object

**~A Good Night's Sleep Delayed by Twelve Hours~**

"That was exhausting..." said Shou, yawning loudly and expansively. "But it was so much fun!"

"Good times, eh?" grinned Captain Murasa. "I'm so tired I could just curl up and die, and I'm still happy."

Byakuren nodded wearily. "That was our best concert yet!" she cried, her voice hoarse from hours of use.

"Yeah. I couldn't really hear your sutras over all the bullets going everywhere, but the crowd loved it!" Minamitsu smiled wearily, leaning on her anchor. She slowly toppled sideways until, with a mighty crash, she fell on top of the forty-kilogramme metal monstrosity. She was snoring seconds later.

Kyouko, by contrast, was still hopping up and down, radiating joy and energy. "I loved it! A whole night of sutra readings and danmaku duels?! Awesome! I feel so alive!"

"And at peace with nature, I presume?" said Byakuren, smiling knowingly.

"I'm peace with partying all night long!" squeaked Kyouko. "I feel like I could... Keep going for... Hours..."

Kyouko flopped onto the temple floor with a cute little yawn. "So sleepy..." she murmured, snuggling up against Byakuren's complicated boots. "Night, everyone. See you... Tomorrow..."

"Poor little thing. She shouldn't be overdoing it at her age," said Mamizou, shaking her head.

"She's thirty-seven," yawned Shou.

"...Even so." Not a hint of surprise breached Mamizou's mask of innocent motherly concern. "She's still small, and a small head needs plenty of sleep. I sleep for twelve hours a day, and I still look the same as when I was three hundred!"

Nue slinked up behind Mamizou. "Minus the personality, you mean."

"I-! Person-?! Whatever do you mean?!" spluttered Mamizou, rounding on Nue.

"Nothing, nothing... It's just that I happen to recall a certain tanuki who loved to dance until she collapsed face-down in her twentieth pint of beer," giggled Nue.

"Yes, well." Mamizou suppressed a fit of the giggles and tried to look disapproving. "I don't condone that type of activity, you know."

"And well you shouldn't. Still, there's a big difference between drinking all night and spending the night promoting peace and friendship," said Byakuren firmly. "Through spell-card duels."

Shou yawned again, cutting off whatever Mamizou was about to say. She knelt beside Kyouko, fluffed her up a little and rested her head on the yamabiko's tummy.

"Mrf... Heavy..." Kyouko wriggled uncomfortably, dreaming fitful dreams of being sat on by a tiger.

"We'd best get them to bed," said Byakuren. "And me, just as soon as- wha-?"

"Noooo... Don't go..." Kyouko tightened her weary grip on Byakuren's lower legs. "You're comfy."

"...All right, then." Byakuren slowly unbuckled her boots and stepped carefully out of them, leaving Kyouko to snuggle the now-empty footwear.

Nue laughed. "You know, she does look a bit like quicksand from this angle!"

"I wouldn't say that. She'll give them back in the morning," said Byakuren breezily. "Well, the evening, at any rate. Unless she just sleeps until next morning..."

Byakuren yawned. "Nue, give me your socks, would you, please?"

Nue blinked. "My... stockings?"

Byakuren nodded.

"Well, all right..." Nue slipped off her long black stockings and handed them over.

"Thank you." Byakuren folded the stockings into something resembling a pillow, which she placed reverentially on Shou's chest. She stretched out across the floor, dangled her legs over Minamitsu and rested her head on the stockings. "Ahhh... I do like a firm pillow."

"Um," said Nue.

Mamizou smiled sweetly. "If she tried sleeping on my chest, it'd be miles too soft!"

 **~Author's Note~**

I didn't make any edits to this one, except to add the "..." where Mamizou says "Even so". A small story, but a heartfelt one that leaves you feeling warm and snuggly inside. If you don't end up feeling warm and snuggly inside after reading this story, let me know and I'll send Kyouko round with a flask of hot chocolate.

Oh, and watch yourself, Mamizou... Utsuho might just have to scream "APPLE JUICE BY THE SHORES OF THE TIBER!" again if you keep on like that. ;)


	15. Day 18: Ten Desires

**~The Great Holy War on the Water~**

"Oh, for flip's sake! For the love of mackerel! I cannot TAKE this any more!"

Miko's fist struck the table, making the crowd of porcelain dishes tremble and clatter. Tojiko yelped as her scrambled eggs went flying.

"I am sick and tired," said Miko furiously, "of losing to Byakuren and her goody-two-shoes Budhhist collective every single time. She has an oil-powered bicycle, spells to make herself stronger and faster, an entire flying ship... We can't let this continue!"

"But what can we do?" said Futo glumly. "Mine own boat cannot fly, nor have we a single motorised velocipede... Alack, our one metal trolley hath no engine. And even on foot, the accursed false saint Byakuren wouldst trounce us..."

"It's just not fair! Why can't we be the ones with the cuddly yamabiko and the massive ship and the ghost with a ladle and the-"

"THAT'S IT!" Tojiko leapt to her tails with both arms raised in a spirited double fist-pump. "The Palanquin's so big it would never be able to beat Futo's boat on the water!"

"It cannot?!" Futo stared at Tojiko in amazement. "Ah, may I remind thee that the Buddhists' temple can fly-"

"Through air, yes, but water is way thicker," Tojiko cut in. "Trust me. A small, nimble boat can never lose!"

* * *

Byakuren laughed a superior laugh. "A race? On the water? Oh, Miko, our mighty Palanquin can never lose! If you insist on challenging us, it will be the biggest humiliation of your life."

Miko raised one eyebrow. "Your point being?"

"My point being we should do it. Would Tuesday be good for you?"

"Why not Monday?"

"Well, why not Sunday, then?"

"Why not Saturday?"

"Why not Friday?"

"Let's just do it now," suggested Miko.

"Be at Misty Lake in one hour," agreed Byakuren.

* * *

A gaggle of fairies and a few of the local youkai had gathered on the northern shore of Misty Lake. One of them was selling grilled lampreys.

"Good luck! Bon voyage!" Yoshika was waving her handkerchief as best she could with such stiff arms. A single tear rolled down her unhealthily grey cheeks. "I'm going to miss them..."

"They're just sailing across the lake, you idiot," sighed Seiga. "Good luck, Miko, Futo and Tojiko! Have a great time!"

"We'll send you a postcard when we get there!" shouted Tojiko.

Space was at a premium on Futo's little wooden Ame no Iwafune, so Miko had to stand in the prow. She got her balance and promptly milked it, with one hand on her hip and the other holding her shaku aloft. She signalled to Mamizou, who was hovering above the shore with megaphone in hand.

"Ladies and additional ladies, both captains have declared themselves ready! The Great Holy War on the Water will begin in precisely some seconds!" shouted Mamizou. She squinted at her pocket-watch. "Five... Four... Three..."

"Tojiko, spin those tails!" ordered Miko.

"Right!" Tojiko lowered herself into the icy water, holding the stern with knuckles white. Her tails spun into a frenzy. The Ame no Iwafune shot forwards, kicking up a spray of shimmering white foam.

"Good-for-nothing cheaters... Punch it, Captain!" ordered Byakuren.

Minamitsu immediately began barking orders. Shou, Ichirin, Unzan, Kyouko, Nazrin, Nue and a dozen youkai monks ran around the deck, hoisting the sails, shivering the timbers and whatever else people apparently have to do on a ship. Slowly but surely, like an avalanche gathering speed, the Palanquin began to move.

"They don't stand a chance." Miko could barely suppress her triumphant laughter. "We've got it in the bag, you two! Oh, I can almost see the look on Byakuren's face!"

"I hadst not a notion that my vessel couldst do this! Woohoo!" Futo's legendary boat was crashing through the waves faster than a horse could run, faster even than a tsuchigumo could fly. Squeezed between Miko and Tojiko, Futo was having the time of her life.

"Glad you're... Having... Fun..." panted Tojiko, spitting out water.

On the deck of the Palanquin, Byakuren sighed deeply. "So much for punching it. Captain, is there any way we can go faster?"

"Not without using the cyclonic drive, and that'd be cheating," said Minamitsu glumly.

"Really?" Byakuren's eyebrows rose in a look of innocent surprise. "It wouldn't be cheating as long as we stay in contact with the water, now, would it?"

"...It wouldn't? Well, I..." A wicked grin spread across Minamitsu's face. "I like the way you think. Engine room, activate the cyclonic drive! Maximum thrust!"

The roar of a mighty wind sounded inside the Palanquin's hull. Its sails billowed as an invisible force blew upon them, sending the ship charging forwards.

Futo soon heard the roaring of the Palanquin's engines. She glanced over her shoulder and almost screamed. "Miko! Tojiko! They-they're coming after us!"

"Yeah, but we're miles ahead." Miko glanced behind the Ame no Iwafune. Her jaw dropped. "T-t-t-t-t-t-Tojiko, hurry up!"

"Are you... Kidding...?! I'm... Exhausted... Already..." gasped Tojiko.

"Damn it..." Miko grit her teeth and tried to come up with a plan. "Futo, you can make this thing fly, right?"

"The Ame no Iwafune is not a mere 'thing', Your Highness," said Futo severely. "I can, however."

"Good. Do that, but fly touching the surface of the water! Tojiko, go ahead and take a break." Miko swung around to face the onrushing Palanquin. "I'll see if I can stop this lot in their tracks."

Futo rose unsteadily to her feet, stomping on Tojiko's hand in the process. "Heaven Sign: Iwafune Ascending to Heaven!"

The boat surged forwards. Blue and purple bullets exploded from the stern, making Tojiko yelp with pain as they battered her tails. She hauled herself onto the deck, curled up between Futo's feet and glowered at the warm fleecy shorts overhead.

"Now, that's what I call speed! Futo, you rock!" declared Miko, giving Futo a pat on the back.

"Um," said Futo, "I did barely comprehend a quarter of thy words."

"She's saying thou art a fruitful, honey-tongued Welsh cheese," grunted Tojiko.

Futo's cheeks turned pink. "T-truly?! O sweet prince, how my heart doth sing to hear those words! Cometh to my arms!"

Before Miko could cometh to anybody's arms, a heavy iron grappling-hook smashed into the water.

Tojiko gasped. "The bastards! They're trying to harpoon us!"

"Cowards," growled Miko. "Let's see how they like this. Divine Light: Honour the Avoidance of Defiance!"

Miko hurled dozens of golden rays in her enemies' general direction, followed by countless multicoloured bullets. All was quiet for a few seconds, and then a barrage of purple rectangles came flying off the Palanquin's prow.

"Good thinking, straw hat girl. Trying to hem us in." Miko smiled. "Futo, evasive manoeuvres! Now!"

Futo swung the Ame no Iwafune around, willing the boat to move with every fibre of her being. She drove the boat at full tilt past the Palanquin's flank.

"Perfect! There's no way they can hit us now!" laughed Miko.

"They won't need to, though, will they? We've just lost the lead," Tojiko pointed out.

Miko's good mood immediately vanished. "Ohhhhhh, shite... She's going to be insufferable, isn't she?"

"Completely," groaned Tojiko.

"I'm so sorry..." sobbed Futo.

It turned out, however, that Byakuren was going to be anything but insufferable. The Palanquin was rapidly running out of lake.

"Oh, my days! Captain, quick, turn!" screamed Byakuren.

"No time! Brace, everyone, brace!" wailed Minamitsu.

The Panalquin skidded up the beach and arced over the dense forest. Leaves and branches batted at the smooth wooden hull, which immediately made it less smooth, until one tall, lopsided pine managed to impale the entire cargo hold. The mighty ship crashed nose-first among the trees in a shower of splintered wood, scattering the crew across the canopy.

Scudding over the lake half a mile away, Miko burst out laughing. "Come on, you two, that is just PRICELESS! Up the beach, into the forest, bye-bye Palanquin! Gods, I love races. We need to have an Incident one of these days where everything gets sorted out by racing. Maybe we could let the spectators throw stuff at the competitors, just to spice things up-"

"WE'RE HEADING STRAIGHT FOR THE MANSION!" screamed Tojiko.

Miko went pale. They were indeed speeding towards the Scarlet Devil Mansion. "Um-"

The Ame no Iwafune shot up over the beach and smashed into the clock tower.

After a few minutes, Tojiko stirred beneath the crimson rubble. She forced herself up on her hands and things resembling knees, trembled, and flopped back down in defeat.

"You know," she said grumpily, "being beaten up by a bratty vampire and her maid is exactly how I like to spend my afternoons."

 **~Author's Note~**

I mostly edited the opening of this one. It is better now.


	16. Day 20: Wild and Horned Hermit

**~Kasen's Great Battle: Defy the Crabs from Hell~**

It was a normal day in Gensokyo.

"Reimu! Good golly, Reimu, you've gotta see this!" Marisa burst into the Hakurei Shrine, carrying a large reddish-brown crab in a bucket. It had four long, spindly legs, four rather shorter legs and a pair of heavy pincers.

Draped languidly over her kotatsu like a human doily, Reimu groaned and rubbed her eyes. "Marisa, I'm trying to sleep..."

(Like I said, it was a normal day in Gensokyo.)

"Come on, you can sleep later! Just look at this crab!" insisted Marisa, shoving the bucket right in Reimu's face.

Reimu yelped at the sudden close-up of its eyestalks and jagged mandibles. "G-get that away from me!" she screamed, leaping up and clinging to a couple of wooden beams in the ceiling.

Marisa burst out laughing. "Reimu, you've fought the goddess of Hell! You've tussled with Yuuka, Shinki, Sariel, even Eiki! You're not scared of one little crab?!"

"...No! Of course not!" said Reimu huffily. She dropped back down in a flouncy little heap, stood up and tried to look dignified. "You just surprised me. I have to be ready for action at any moment, so I sometimes overreact a little."

"Sure you do," said Marisa, smiling a knowing smile. "Thing is, though, you really need to see this crab from the back."

Marisa turned the bucket around. Reimu's jaw dropped.

"Oh, my gods! It's-! It's-! It's got a face! On its shell!"

A few round lumps on the back of the crab's shell formed a bulbous nose and a stout pair of cheeks. Some thick grooves in the shiny rust-brown carapace formed a curly, grimmacing mouth and a furious pair of eyebrows, with a couple of thin, angled whorls standing in for eyes.

"Cool, isn't it?" said Marisa proudly. "I found it curled up in my fishing boat. It'd nibbled clean through one of the oars!"

Reimu nodded numbly.

"I've never seen a crab like this before!" Marisa continued blithely. "I mean, there was the giant one that tried to eat Ichirin, but even she didn't have a big face on her back! D'you think it's some kind of a youkai? Or a mutation?!"

"Um..." Reimu was completely lost. "Since when did you have a fishing boat?"

* * *

Meanwhile, a friendly hermit who definitely wasn't an oni was taking a walk in the Bamboo Forest of the Lost.

"Tra-la-la-la-la-la!" Kasen was singing purely on principle. "Good morning, trees! Good morning, birds! Good morning, fairies pretending to be dinosaurs!"

The fairies ceased their roaring and gave Kasen a friendly wave. Then the triceratops bit the allosaurus in the neck, prompting a spirited debate about historical accuracy.

"Ahhhh, I love the forest!" Kasen managed to inject a convincing squeak into her voice as she skipped down the lane. Komachi would never have bought it, of course. "The sun is shining, the birds are singing..."

"...Just like a roller coaster, victory in a stadium! Who can stop me tonight?! I'm hardwired! And who can something something?! I'm made of fire! You make me feel... INVINCIBLE!" shrieked Mystia, with no particular tune in mind.

"...Well, quite." Kasen cleared her throat. "La-la-la! It's a beautiful- oh, forget it." With all the nonsense going on around her, being twee just wasn't worth the effort.

It took Kasen a few minutes to get out of earshot. She roamed through the cool, quiet paths in companionable silence with herself, praying silently that no-one else would show up and ruin her good mood. It really was the perfect day for a walk, and nothing could disturb her so deep in the maze of bamboo.

"Help! Help! Get it off me!"

Kasen started. A woman was screaming in pain and fear somewhere down the track. "Um, hello? Are you all right?!"

"The crabs are attacking! The crabs are attacking!"

Kasen could only look on in amazement as Mokou came tearing down the shady forest lane, pursued by a veritable tide of beige and reddish-brown chitin. A hundred pincers snapped in the air, a thousand legs clicked and clattered on the compacted earth. Mokou's boots and trousers were stained yellowish-blue with the blood of crabs she'd stepped on, and every other bit of her was stained red.

"Good grief..." Kasen took a deep breath. "Dragon Sign: Rage of Skyfire!"

Having just shouted out the name of her attack, Kasen was forced to take another deep breath. After that, however, there was no stopping her. She spat out a blazing-hot ray of concentrated lightning and swept it over the ground in front of the crabs, sending smoke and scorched soil flying into the air. The crustacean army screeched to a halt behind the charred trench.

Safe beside Kasen, Mokou collapsed in a heap on the ground. "Gods, I'm glad you came along... And kind of pissed I didn't think of breathing fire, but there we are."

"Mokou, you... What in Susano-o's name is going on here?! Crabs don't belong in the forest!" cried Kasen.

"I don't know. I was just taking a paddle in the stream when some wise-guy crab came over and pinched my toe. I kicked it away and went somewhere else, then a bunch more came swarming out of the woods and tried to nip me to death." Mokou spoke very casually for someone who had just been chased by a ravening horde of pincer-wielding arthropods. "So I booked it, and I may have panicked a little."

"A little. I see." Kasen's face was completely inscrutable. "Why would the crabs want to kill you, though...? It would make sense if they wanted to avenge their comrade, but why would she attack you in the first place? Could it be..." Kasen frowned. "Mokou, is it possible that your feet stink?"

"Yeah, maybe..." Mokou unlaced one of her boots and took a sniff. "Oh, gods! Eeeurgh! Th-that's utterly rank!" Eyes watering, she put the boot back on as fast as she could. "Better than before I washed them, though..."

"I'm glad to hear it!" said Kasen earnestly. "We need to do something about these crabs, though. I'll go and talk to Reimu-"

"Hey, Kasen! Hey, Mokou!"

"Oh, Amaterasu, it's that bossy hermit..."

Marisa and Reimu were strolling along the path, the former holding up a wooden bucket and the latter looking as if she'd rather be anywhere else.

"Reimu, Marisa, what good timing! There's something strange going on with the crabs-" began Kasen.

"Forget that, check out this crab I found in my boat!" Marisa ran over to Kasen and shoved the bucket in her face.

"You... have a boat? Wait, the crab has a face on its shell?!" Kasen shook her head to settle her muddled thoughts. "That's... That is not good. Not good in the slightest. Marisa, where exactly-"

"Ohhhh, my days! L-look at all the crabs!" gasped Reimu, flinching as she caught sight of the crab legion. She shivered and edged closer to Marisa.

"Eh? There's more than one?" Marisa looked up from her bucket. Her jaw dropped. "HOLY SHIT CRABS FOR DAYS WHAT IN THE NAME OF-!"

"Let me see yours," Mokou interrupted. She leaned over the bucket. "Yeah, that's definitely a shell shaped like a- AAARGH!"

With a piercing battle cry, Marisa's captive crab pounced on Mokou's face and started pinching at everything it could grab hold of. Emboldened, the legion of crabs surged forwards over the rapidly-cooling trench.

Kasen grabbed the crab and wrenched it off Mokou's face, making her scream as her nose stretched to breaking point. Kasen threw the crab into the midst of its comrades with a clatter.

"Aaaaaugh..." groaned Mokou, wiping blood off her face.

"Wh-what do we do?!" wailed Reimu, wide-eyed with panic as the crabs advanced on her.

"Retreat to my place! The crabs'll never find us there!" ordered Kasen. She leapt into the air and soared away, only looking back when she was almost among the clouds to make sure her friends were following.

* * *

"Reimu, Mokou, Marisa... It probably won't be a surprise to you that those were no ordinary crabs."

The foursome had gathered in Kasen's airy living room for tea and fruit salad, with a little debriefing on the side.

"They are known as heikegani," Kasen went on. "The spirits of ancient warriors who perished on the sea, reincarnated as crabs who still carry the fury of their human forebears."

"Oh, you mean the angry faces?" said Marisa.

"Exactly."

Reimu chewed thoughtfully on a slice of pineapple. "I don't understand why the crabs would hate Mokou. She's never exactly positioned herself as an enemy of crabs."

"I am kind of a noblewoman, though," Mokou reminded them. "Maybe the samurai who turned into the heikegani were enemies of my dynasty..."

"Indeed we are!"

The four heroines gasped dramatically in perfect unison. They looked up in amazement as a tall, heavy-set woman kicked down the door and sauntered into the room, decked out in crimson samurai armour and claw-like gauntlets.

"I will never forget the day the Taira clan was humiliated by your snivelling Fujuwara ensemble. Hundreds of us, all dead, and for what? So you idiots could live to feud and murder another day?!"

"...Wait, hold on. The Taira? Weren't the Minamoto your rivals?" said Mokou.

The heikegani lady's face went red. "Sh-shut up! You don't know a thing about our history!"

"I was there, you idiot. I'm Fujiwara no Mokou, daughter of Fujiwara no Fuhito, probably his last descendent. I know who the Taira's arch enemy were. Are. Whatever."

"Well, you're my rival now, got it?! And that witch, with her mighty battleship! I must have it!" snapped the heikegani.

"Ba... Battleship?! I wish... What are you talking about?!" cried Marisa.

"You know perfectly well!" The heikegani turned her furious citrine eyes upon Marisa. "Have the Kirisame not given their name to a mighty steel ship, more than a thousand tonnes in weight and bristling with firework launchers stronger even than those built by the Chinese?!"

"It's... It's a fishing boat!" Marisa laughed nervously. "It's made out of wood! I borrowed it from a shopkeeper who isn't related to me and filed his name off the rudder, and it's not that heavy... I can even carry it..."

"Do not insult my intelligence, witch!" snapped the heikegani. "You may think you can lie to me, but by Ryujin, I will have your ship and make war upon the Minamoto!"

"Don't you mean the Fujiwaras?" said Mokou wryly.

"Y-yes! I mean no! I-I mean..." The heikegani smacked her helmet with a dull clang. "It's 'Fujiwara', not 'Fujiwaras'! We're Japanese! Our language doesn't have plurals!"

"Oh, yeah..." A distant look clouded Mokou's eyes as she remembered her past, when everyone spoke in a more formal register. She smiled. "My father was the best, wasn't he?"

The crab woman screamed. She slammed her claws into the table, cracking the wood and making the plates tremble. "No, he was NOT! He was a foul, treacherous Minamoto! I mean Fujiwara! Either way! He was filth! As are you! And you, with the boat!" She cast an appraising eye over Reimu and Kasen. "You two will be spared."

Kasen's eyes narrowed. "If you try to hurt my friends, you will not be the one doing the sparing."

"Um, what she said... Has anyone told you about the spell-card system?" asked Reimu.

"What? No, I..." The heikegani's brow furrowed. "That's strange. Somehow, I... I have always known. Attacks must be given meaning, mustn't they? And, um, people have aerial duels in which the most beautiful moves tend to be the strongest, where the goal is not to crush your opponent with superior force but to outwit her?"

Reimu nodded.

"Sounds like sissy Korean nonsense to me." The heikegani sneered and retrieved a nasty-looking bladed spear from her back. The irony of using an insult that implied being female was a form of weakness was lost on her. "Since she is so eager to face me, the hermit will die first. Defend yourself, coward! For the honour of the Taira!"

Kasen looked at Marisa. Marisa looked at Mokou. Mokou looked at Reimu.

"Suit yourself." Reimu sat back with a nonchalant shrug. "Spell-cards are completely optional, after all."

"That's right." Mokou nodded and tried to ignore the way Marisa was giggling. "Completely optional."

"They'd better be," sneered the heikegani.

"However..." Kasen clenched her bandaged fist. A bright pink glow surrounded her fingers, reflecting off the heikegani's blade. "It's your funeral!"

Kasen punched the heikegani. She staggered back with a strangled yelp. Again and again, Kasen smashed holes in her armour, then she grabbed her enemy's spear and bit it in half.

"W-wait! This isn't fair!" gasped the heikegani. Tears were streaming down her face. "You- you can't do this to me! I am Taira no Tokuko, the last of-"

"Shut up!" snapped Kasen, throwing her bodily through the door. She jumped up and down on the heikegani, then kicked her into a stout bush.

Kasen strode back into the house, dusting off her hands with an air of utmost satisfaction. "That wasn't too hard."

"It looked easy..." Marisa was awestruck. "Kasen, you sure know how to clobber!"

"Well, you know..." Kasen looked shifty for a brief moment, only to regain her composure in a flash. "We hermits aren't just pretty faces!"

Mokou nodded. "Your horns are pretty, too."

Kasen went white.

"So, about those other crabs..." Marisa changed the subject.

"You might want to lay low for a bit, Mokou," suggested Reimu. "Kasen, could you...?"

"She'll... She'll, um, need to behave herself," said Kasen weakly. "But yes. Of course she can stay oni. O-over! Over. She can stay over. Not oni. Of course! I mean, what are friends for?!" She laughed. It was painfully obvious that the laughter was fake. "Why, they're for... Taking care of one another... And stuff."

Reimu looked at Marisa, who shrugged.

"Is it all right if we stay too?" said Reimu. "Just to make sure nothing happens to Mokou."

"I suppose so."

"Great! We'll have that Tokuko lady round for tea tomorrow and talk things out," said Marisa excitedly. "Maybe get to the bottom of this battleship business! And have a proper duel with her!"

"Oh, now," began Kasen.

"Kasen, it cannot always be my shrine!" snapped Reimu. "Besides, I'm actually, um, out of tea at the moment."

"All right, then," sighed Kasen. "Just, for the love of Konohana-Sakuyahime, don't ever let Mokou take her boots off."

 **~Author's Note~**

I liked this story a lot when I wrote it, but when it came time for editing months later, I found myself changing loads of lines and fleshing out the crab-woman's scene quite a bit. It should be quite an excellent read by now.

What Tokuko said about Marisa's ship does in fact have a basis in reality, since the Japanese Self-Defence Force have a battleship named Kirisame. Apparently, it's a Murasame-class destroyer. Those North Koreans had better not try anything, ze...


	17. Day 22: Forbidden Scrollery

**~Author's Note~**

The following is a transcript of everything Kosuzu said while giving a guided tour of the Human Village, which I somehow managed to scribble down during the trip. Amazingly, no-one spoke to me or acknowledged my existence throughout the tour, which makes this framing device a little tenuous. What the flip, at least I didn't embarrass myself by trying to flirt with Aya…

 **~Kosuzu's Grand Tour~**

Oh, hello there! Are you here for the tour?

Great! I'm Kosuzu, by the way. I work in the book-lenders, which we'll get to during the tour. Is everyone ready? Perfect! Follow me, everybody, and try to look human!

All righty. On your left, you should be seeing a house, and on the right there should be another house. This is a pretty typical road; we have lots of roads just like this one in the village, although a few of them lead to bigger houses with gardens and stuff.

What? The shopping district? We're in it, actually! A lot of us run small businesses out of our houses. Look, there's the hairdresser, right there! Shuri and Chichiro do the best side ponytails in the world!

Yes, as I was saying, most of the villagers can't afford to buy a shop, so they turn their homes into sort of half-shops. My parents are lucky; they inherited a house with two floors, so we can use the whole ground floor for books!

And now, here's the town square! This is where we do... town square activities, like festivals and things! This is actually the oldest part of the village, it's been here since four thousand years ago.

...What? No, Mamizou, I wasn't there. I'm fifteen!

Anyway, in the centre of the square, you'll see our iconic dragon statue. Believe it or not, the colour of its eyes can predict the weather!

...Oh, you do believe it. Well, great! Good. Hey, did you know it sometimes changes direction, too?! I once saw the statue swivelling to face me while I was out buying tea, and-

Nue, that was you?! You made our statue rotate?!

Oh! Hi, Ms Kamishirasawa! No, no-one's making the statue rotate or anything... This is just a tour! I'm allowed to give guided tours! C-come on, don't give me that look...

All right, I admit that one's a youkai, but what's the harm in it? You know they need to scare humans to live! One youkai knowing what the village looks like isn't going to-

Okay, fine, everyone in the group is a youkai. Oh, please don't beat them up! I need the money! I promise I won't show them anything embarrassing or dangerous, or...

You... want to escort us? I mean, you want to come too? Great! That's lovely! See, Aya? I told you I'd find us a historian!

Anyway! Um, let's go and see some of the more upmarket houses! Just this way, past the high street. Come along!

You can see quite a few of the bigger shops along here. There's Hitomi's House of Sashimi, the general store, the Kirisame-ya second-hand shop-

Wh-WHAT?! Of course we're not on our way to a lesbian orgy! How could you, Mr Kirisame?!

Oh, Alice, Nue, will you please stop giggling? I'm fifteen...

No, I will not tell Marisa to kill herself! Shame on you!

Wait, no, stop! Get off! Ow! My head! Ouch! HELP!

G-good grief... That was a nice kick, Ms Kamishirasawa. Very... Very effective... He's going to be feeling that in the morning.

Right. Well. Step this way, ladies; there's some great architecture along here, and even a shrine!

On your left, you should be seeing the Silver Chateau. It might belong to the lord of the village, but no-one's ever seen him, so I couldn't say for sure. Just look at those walls, though! Genuine silver birch planks, put together over a hundred years ago by a team of miyadaiku! And those paper walls have never grown a single pair of eyes!

And on your right, there's Shigeru Kawasaki's house. He's a gardener, a businessman, and pretty much everything. Just look at those bonsai trees and the cute little flower beds! They're amazing!

Oh, here he comes now! Good afternoon, Mr Kawasaki!

...Wait, what do you mean we have to pay to admire your flowers?! They're right by the side of the road! You can't charge us just for looking at something!

W-wait, no, don't call your guards! No, I, um... Oh, dear... Ms Kamishirasawa, could you talk to him?

Oh, my! D-don't hurt him! Oh... Um... I-I think we should stop for lunch now... Aya, can you stop taking pictures of Ms Kamishirasawa stomping on his throat? It's really tacky.

Thank you. So, um. We'll be taking lunch in the village's premiere book-lending estabishment, Suzunaan! My mother and I made some veg curry and cheesecake, and there's half a salami in the pantry. We can probably spare you a slice each. We have thousands of books and even some classics which are out of print, so you're welcome to browse when we get there! And, um, if you want to rent something, be our... guest?

Mamizou, why are you looking at me like that?

Wh-what do you mean, devious?! I'm just trying to give you all a nice tour! And, I mean, the curry was pretty expensive to make...  
Anyway, the bookshop is just along Orange Blossom Street. Follow me, ladies!

Here we are: Suzunaan, the oldest and most well-established rental bookshop in the village! Just leave your shoes by the letter box. No, not on the statue, Nue. Put them next to mine.

Mummy, we're here! Party of six, including me!

She'll just be a few seconds. Here, take some seats!

All right, Nue, put down that chair. You know that wasn't what I meant.

Wh-?! I-I'm not cute when I'm angry! Mamizou, why would you say that?!

Aaugh! Please don't say things like that in front of my friends...

Oh, wow, this curry is delicious! Dig in, everyone!

Eep! NUE, PUT DOWN THAT SPADE THIS SECOND!

I'm so sorry, I had no idea she was going to be like this... Mamizou, can't you talk some sense into her?

We... We gave you chopsticks for a reason, Mamizou... I'm just going to stop talking and have my cheesecake now, all right?

Mmmmm... So good!

Wow, that meal was a triumph! Right, for the next stage of our tour- yes, Aya? What is it?

Agatha Chris Q? I'm sorry, I don't know her. I'm not even sure she lives in Gensokyo! I could maybe show you where the Child of Miare lives, though, since we'd be going that way anyway...

Mamizou, why are you giggling?

All right, keep your secrets. Let's go, everybody! To North Chicken Tempura Street!

Sorry, Alice, I do not know who came up with that name.

I do know that this street was on the front lines in a major battle some two or three hundred years ago. A bunch of kappa came along in steam-powered tanks and tried to burn down the village so they could take our cucumber! If you look closely, you can still see the scarring on the road where their tanks drove.

Do you know what? I wasn't supposed to mention this any more since the last tour group had all those terrible nightmares, but I think you all deserve to know the truth. Believe it or not, the spirits of the fallen warriors still linger in this very street, and if a kappa ever attacks the village again, they'll rise up to-

Oh, you've all... You've met them? The spirits of the fallen warriors? Well, great! Good. Anyway, there are a couple of places of worship a little further along. Not the usual sorts of shrines; instead we have a Buddhist temple and a Taoist church-

Wait, what's going on?! There's... There's a woman in shorts wrestling with another woman who... Who doesn't have any legs?!

Minamitsu and Tojiko? Those are their names? Well, I never... Um, let's take the scenic route through the alleys! Where they're not! Watch out, it's a little muddy here. Or it might be animal dung. Let's just, um, step around it...

Nue, don't you dare throw that me. I have a spell-card in my pocket and I've completed a two-week course at the Moriya Shrine. I actually got a B-plus!

Well, yes, you do have ten of the strongest spell-cards in the land, and enough magic pulsating through your veins to duel for hours, but that still doesn't give you any right to-

OH, MY DAYS, A HEADLESS WOMAN! Aya, save me!

Oh, it's only you, Sekibanki... Good grief, you scared me to death! You can, um, put me down now... Thanks.

Well, Sekibanki, I'm doing a guided tour of the village. For a modest fee, you get an in-depth look at all the best buildings and the most amazing stuff we have, with fascinating historical insights and a free meal to boot!

I... WHAT?! I am not! And my parents can do it just fine in any weather!

Well, that wasn't very nice. Honestly, some people just don't care about culture...

That was completely uncalled-for, Mamizou. Aren't you ashamed of being so... Well, so pithy?

Oh. That makes sense, I suppose. Well, let's press on! Just around this barrel, over the two filthy cushions and past the... Dead dog... Which wasn't here a week ago... Oh, gods, I'm going to throw up! Duck, Aya!

Ohhh, my throat hurts... So sorry about your boots, Alice. It'll wash out, though, won't it?

Right. The Hieda mansion. Just this way, ladies, past the... puddle of vomit. So sorry! That's never happened before...

Oh, yes, there's a little roadside shrine here! The Moriyas set it up, I think. It's supposed to drive away snakes. And, just a little further, the Hieda residence! Isn't it beautiful? Just like Akyuu...

I-I didn't say that! I said nothing! Gosh, look at those clouds moving in, we could be in for a cold night. I love mochi, though, don't you? It's so sweet and chewy, and-and I've been thinking of buying some new boots for the winter. My old pair are a little too small. Er. Um.

Oh! Akyuu! Hi! Um, I was just, um... W-we were doing a tour! Of the village! Would you- would you please tell my friends here something interesting?

Really? Six hundred years?

Gosh...

Oh, my days, that's horrible!

Did-did he really manage to defeat all twelve of them?!

Amazing!

Wow, that was so kind of him! And after all the trouble her cursed nose caused, too...

Good golly, we've been listening for two hours! Akyuu, you really go all in, don't you? You really are the greatest. Thank you so much!

Um, Nue, why are you snoring? Alice, why are you using Nue as a pillow?! Come on, wake up! Akyuu's making a big effort for all of us! Aren't you ashamed of yourselves?!

No, it's all right, just try not to do it again. I suppose the story did go on a bit... But she has such an angelic voice...

Oh! Um! Right, then, time for the highlight of our tour: a trip to the Hakurei Shrine!

...Mamizou, what do you mean, you went there for tea yesterday? I don't believe it. I won't! I refuse to let my tour end on a low note just because youkai are weird! Akyuu, could we please borrow a bottle of sake? And maybe some ramune?

Ah, this is perfect! Thank you so much, sweetie- I mean, um, Miss Hieda no Akyuu, my... Good friend...

Nue, Mamizou, stop laughing! Now come on, we're going to the shrine, and that's final!

Aaagh, I'm exhausted... I had no idea it was so high up in the mountains... It can't be much further, though, right?

Aya, must you carry Alice and gambol around like that? You're showing me up...

Finally! Oh, thank goodness, we're here! Hey, Reimu, I brought the tour group! Sorry we're so late, there was a story, and things happened. We have sake, though, and ramune for me!

Now, this shrine was founded many years ago, and at least one shrine maiden has lived here ever since-

Since eight hundred and seventy-two BC, Ms Kamishirasawa? Wow... Um, you'll be delighted to hear the Hakurei Shrine was once associated with academia, and people used to come here to pray for good exam results. Nobody knows which god lives here, though.

Nue, you can't have met her! Will you please stop messing with me and just try to enjoy the tour?!

I'm sorry, Reimu, she isn't always like this...

Oh, she is always like this? Well, you know her better than me...

Wow, this lemonade is delicious! It almost makes the arduous climb up the mountain seem worth it, right?

Oh, shut up, Aya...

Right. Before we finish the tour, Reimu said she had a special thing she wanted to show off, and even I haven't seen it yet! Are you ready for this? Behold, the...

Um. Reimu. Is that... Is that a donation box on wheels?

Right... So, there's our amazing surprise! It's a wooden box with thin slots on top and wheels at the bottom. Amazing.

Why are you looking at me like that? Reimu? Come on, d-don't pout and look like you're about to cry! Don't! It isn't that bad...

I-I mean, um- She- she does do a great job fighting tirelessly to protect Gensokyo, doesn't she? So you could spare her a little something... I mean, the tour's only two hundred mon per head, you can afford a little!

Wait, where are you going?! You don't have to donate, it's just, it'd be nice! And-and you haven't even paid ME! I can't give tours at a dead loss! Don't do this to me! Not after we spent so much on the cheesecake!

Oh, is that tea for me? Thanks, Reimu. Just what I need to wash down all that lemonade...

 **~Author's Note~**

This is one story I really enjoyed writing. Kosuzu is so sweet and earnest, but Gensokyo isn't so soft towards her, and there's a tonne of comedy potential that can be found as she skips naively through life. Poor little thing. I changed a few lines, but most of this is as it was in February.

If you're looking for day 21's story, I decided to publish it separately as a crossover here: "haych tee tee pee" (colon)(forward slash)(forward slash) "doubleyew doubleyew doubleyew" (doht) "fan fiction" (doht) "knet" (forward slash) s (forward slash) 13178492 (forward slash) 1 (forward slash) Fight-Ultrawoman-Half-Pint-vs-Counterattacking-Amanojaku

Or you could, I don't know, look it up on Archive of our Own? Where there'll be an actual, working link you can copy? Just a thought...


	18. Day 24: Legacy of Lunatic Kingdom

**~How-To Guides of Lunatic Kingdom~**

Seiran's guide to military discipline:

 **1.** Always greet your commanding officer with a cheerful "Good morning, ma'am! It's such a lovely day for violence and mayhem!"  
 **2.** Keep your clothes clean and tidy. Make sure your dress is properly ironed and your tights are soft and free from holes, and polish your cute little buckle-shoes every morning. Keep your sword clean, too, and try not to put too many stickers on your gun.  
 **3.** Take care of your body. Eat plenty of carrots, do plenty of exercise, take regular baths and shave diligently.  
 **4.** Try to work as a team and make sure none of your squadmates feel left out. Be friendly and polite. Don't use your rank as an excuse to bully people, but at the same time treat your superiors with respect; they're trying to do a job, after all.  
 **5.** If a Lunarian insists on calling you "Flopsy" and gushing over how cute your tail is, just grin and bear it. It's better than being a scullery maid or a foot-massage slave, right?  
 **6.** It's never the wrong time for a cup of tea and some sweet mochi. Try to coordinate tea breaks with the enemy so that no-one is placed at a disadvantage.  
 **7.** Above all else, make sure to stay positive!

Ringo's guide to being a gourmet:

 **1.** Never be afraid to try a new food. You might not like it, but it could turn out to be the most delicious thing you've ever tasted, and that's worth the risk of going in blind.  
 **2.** A meal generally meeds a drink to go with it. Tea is best with a fortifying meal such as breakfast or lunch, alcohol goes well with dinner, and fruit juice goes well with cold meals such as salads and sandwiches. A savoury meal should have a savoury accompaniment, such as miso soup, whereas a pudding deserves a sweet drink such as a chocolate milkshake.  
 **3.** Keep in practice by eating as much as possible. Remember: the fatter you get, the more room you'll have for food, and the longer you'll be able to survive in times of hardship. You'll also be softer, cuddlier, warmer and better at swimming, and the extra weight can help strengthen your legs. Really, skinny people are missing out on a whole lot of fun!  
 **4.** Never let cheap, industrialised food stand in for something made properly. The key ingredient in every meal is love, and it's impossible even for Lunarian science to synthesise love. (We've tried, though. Amaterasu help us... Yeah, I said Amaterasu. Eat it, Tsukiyomi.)  
 **5.** Make sure you try meals from different cultures. The amount of unique recipes, techniques and flavour combinations around the world is truly incredible!  
 **6.** For the true gormet, every meal is a special occasion. Don't just mindlessly scoff your food down, light a few scented candles and savour every morsel of your meal. If you find yourself weeping with joy, you're doing it right.  
 **7.** If possible, try to eat with a friend. Good food is always best with good company, and talking to someone can help prolong the pleasure of a delicious meal.  
 **8.** If eating is causing you problems, change your diet. We eat in order to survive, at the end of the day, so what matters most is how good it makes you feel.  
 **9.** Say it with me, gourmands of the world: YUM YUM IN MY TUM!

Doremy's guide to sleep:

 **1.** Make sure your bedroom is at a comfortable temperature. Ideally, the room should be slightly cool, with your blankets and stuff compensating for it.  
 **2.** Keep your bedroom airy and lightly furnished. A bunch of books and a shelf of anime figurines are nice touches; dozens of electronic devices are not. Blackout curtains are a good idea during the winter.  
 **3.** At the end of the day (pun intended!), your bedroom should be a place of sanctuary and comfort, so make sure it feels good to be there. Make sure you have a comfy bed with the sorts of pillows, quilts, blankets and cuddly toys you like. If having to get up in the morning reduces you to tears, you have the right bed-design philosophy.  
 **4.** Consider purchasing a Sweet Sleep Pillow (TM), available at any reputable furniture shop. They're so soft and snuggable, I really can't recommend them enough!  
 **5.** Have supper at least an hour before you go to bed. For the rest of that hour, try to relax as much as possible in order to get into the right frame of mind. Obsessively checking your social mediums won't contribute to a restful night's sleep.  
 **6.** When the wonderful moment finally arrives, make the most of it. Snuggle up under your favourite quilt, bury your head in your favourite pillow and say "Ahhhhhhhhh...!"  
 **7.** If you don't yet have a favourite pillow, why not try a Sweet Sleep Pillow (TM)? They're available at all reputable furniture shops, and no ordinary pillow can compare. Don't delay! Get yours today!  
 **8.** Sleep cannot generally be forced, and worrying about it will only make it harder for you to drift off. Simply clear your mind and let the magic happen.  
 **9.** While your body is resting soundly, your soul will be free to explore the Dream World. There are many wonders you can experience in a dream, but there are dangers, too. You didn't eat too much cheese for supper, did you?  
 **10.** Feel free to visit the many youkai who inhabit the Dream World. If you ever happen to meet me, I can recommend some truly excellent pillows for you to try.  
 **11.** You'd be surprised by how much people need to sleep. Outside of Gensokyo, sleep deprivation is seen as cool, modern, even honourable, but it ruins your ability to think and do stuff. No matter how much you believe in yourself and how much your boss claims to value you, you need at least eight hours of sleep every day. Teenagers, believe it or not, might need ten. It may feel like you're losing valuable time, but what you gain in clear thinking and wellbeing will more than make up for it.  
 **12.** Once you've finished sleeping, try to wake up with a smile on your face and a song in your heart. It's only one day until you get to try again, after all!

Sagume's guide to public speaking:

 **1.** Try not to offend anyone.  
 **2.** Try not to look like you're trying not to offend anyone, since trying not to offend anyone can offend some people.  
 **3.** I don't know... Orate casual.  
 **4.** By this method, you will be able to speak publicly without ever facing controversy from arrogant people who go around looking for arguments!  
 **5.** ...Oh, no.

Clownpiece's guide to self-esteem for teenage girls:

 **1.** Git yerself a freakin' firearm. Seriously, nothin' makes ya feel strong like the ability ta' freakin' MURDER anyone who messes with ya!  
 **2.** Learn ta' love yer body. It's yours an' yours alone, so no-one gets ta' tell you you ain't pretty. Like make-up? Rock that cherry-red lipstick or whatever, girlfriend! Don't like make-up? Rock that totally natural face a' yours! It don't matter whether ya look like a supermodel; what matters is how ya feel an' who you are on the inside.  
 **3.** If the 'rents won't let ya outside unless yer in a pretty dress, kill them. Don't know how? Refer back ta' the first paragraph.  
 **4.** Likewise, don't let no-one tell ya what kinda person you oughta be. Yer the best there is at bein' you; no-one else knows how ta' do it right. Sure, people can have good advice, but they don't know ya better'n you do.  
 **5.** If you got a sweetheart, great! Cherish them with alla' your heart. Don't let 'em dominate your life, though; if they wanna make you do stuff you don't like, refer to the third paragraph.  
 **6.** A sword is a decent substitute fer a gun.  
 **7.** Git yerself a hobby. Somthin' ya like doin', somethin' challenging, somethin' where yer abilities can grow, somethin' you c'n do with friends and/or somethin' you c'n make money off of are all good ideas. It don't matter what people think: video games are a great hobby, sewing an' baking don't automatically make you a wimp, an' fishin' an' soccer won't make you a lesbian.  
 **8.** Actually, seein' a buncha' tough girls all around ya might be what makes ya realise you ARE a lesbian. It ain't guaranteed, though.  
 **9.** It don't really matter whether or not yer a lesbian. There ain't no, like, "bad" sexual orientations or genders, so you do you. People don't like it? See paragraph 3.  
 **10.** Slack off in school as much as ya can get away with. If it just makes ya bored an' miserable, why bother? Yer future don't depend on academic success!  
 **11.** Above all else, don't ever give up on nothin'. You c'n run a marathon, climb a mountain, beat a Touhou game, anythin', but ya gotta try dozens of times beforehand. Sooner or later, ya'll even be able ta' beat alla' my spell-cards without breakin' a sweat! Now, THAT'S a feelin' of pride an' accomplishment!  
 **12.** Man, that meme died out pretty quick... Guess ya c'n tell when Ah wrote this. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	19. Day 25: Fan Works

**~Magical Girl Warrior Kosuzu and the Forces of Darkness~**

 **~Author's Note~**

Hello there, my lovelies! Welcome to the next chapter of my story, Magical Girl Warrior Kosuzu and the Forces of Darkness! Sorry it took so long, real life's been pretty hard to handle this week... ;^^

And just to be clear, this chapter comes with a **bowstring warning** for sexual violence. Read it carefully if that's a problem for you, or don't read it at all if that's a big problem for you... And also, I'm really sorry you had to go through whatever it was. Stay strong. We all believe in you!

 **ParadiseMaiden:** I'm sorry, I really don't know what you mean about me "ruining your character" and "reducing you to a whining damsel in distress" ;^^ Maybe you could give me a breakdown of what I'm doing wrong?  
 **RainbowMage:** Wow, you really liked the last fight scene that much?! 0_0 YIPPEE! Thankyouthankyouthankyou! You don't know how much it means to me hearing you say that. I put extra fighting in this chaper just for you!  
 **Xx_scarletcutiepie_xX:** Thank you, and you're welcome! I know a lot of people weren't expecting him to make a cameo, but what the heck! It made your day!  
 **Faith_and_Anime:** For the last time, if Suwako losing against Combat Butler Hayate is against your religion, that's your problem. At the end of the day, I'm just not as devout as you, and you can't force me to be. I don't want to hear another review complaining about it, all right? -_-  
 **AWESUMGIRL999:** Um, what? Could you maybe try speaking Japanese next time, please? ;^^  
 **Windgodgirl1337:** Thanks! I've already written this chapter, but I'll try to make the next one longer. Good things come to those who wait!

Keep those reviews coming, you wonderful people! They really make my day. And now, here's the next chapter!

 **~Chapter 12: The Revenge of the Fortune-Teller~**

Kosuzu strode bravely through the town square. All the villagers' eyes were upon her, full of awe and amazement, because they'd been without hope for so long until she rekindled it.

The Fortune-Teller sneered down at Kosuzu as she approached. "Is this it?" he laughed sneeringly, "Is this Gensokyo's greatest heroine?! I could crush her head in one hand!"

"I'm not afraid of you, Fortune-Teller!" declared Kosuzu, glaring defiantly up at the Fortune-Teller, "Or should I say... Akuma Mirashi?!"

The townsfolk all gasped at the reveal of the Fortune-Teller's name!

"How did you find my real name?!" cried the Fortune-Teller, who was looking a little rattled.

"Reimu told me. Oh, didn't I mention she was still alive? It took me hours of work, but I nursed her back to health!" said Kosuzu proudly.

"Impossible!" spluttered the Fortune-Teller, "You will die like the rest of them, and then I shall annihilate Reimu and your precious chronicler!"

Kosuzu gasped horrifiedly. "What have you done to my precious Akyuu?!" she cried.

"I raped her!" declared the Fortune-Teller maniacally!

The villagers gasped in horror!

"Grr... How dare you?!" screamed Kosuzu furiously, unsheathing her Devine Staff. (A/N: Her staff wasn't technically in a sheath, but it's the only good word I know for what she did with it ;^^) "In the name of peace and justice, I swear to make you pay!"

"Then come and get me!" bellowed the Fortune-Teller readying his Dark Spell-Cards!

Kosuzu leapt up into the air and did her transformation sequence. (See Chapter 2) She spread her sparkly azure wings and charged at the Fortune-Teller!

The Fortune-Teller used Darkness Sign: Web of Annihilation! Suddenly, hundreds of fine threads of pure Shadow were filling the air, forcing Kosuzu to slow down and weave through them. She'd fallen into the Fortune-Teller's trap!

"You've fallen into my trap, you fool!" laughed the Fortune-Teller evilly, "Take this! Black Heart Sign: Evisceration of the Stars!"

A thousand bolts of purplish-black Evilness with pink highlights leapt from the Fortune-Teller's fingers! Kosuzu gasped and dove back out of the way, but suddenly, the threads of pure Shadow wrapped around her wings and held her tight! The bolts of Evilness thwacked into her, scarring her skin wherever they hit and making her cry out in pain!

"Oh, golly..." whimpered Kosuzu, "I'm at the end of my strength! I... I can't do it..."

"No, Kosuzu, don't give up!"

What was that voice?! Kosuzu looked curiously around, although her vision was too blurry to see much.

"It's me, Akyuu!" said the voice. Kosuzu realised that the voice was coming from within her own heart! "You mustn't give up, my brave angel. Don't let him get away with making us all miserable!"

"Oh, Akyuu..." Kosuzu bravely clenched her fist, "I'll never give up, do you hear me?! Never! Spark Sign: Rainbow of Love!"

Kosuzu shot a bright rainbow from her Staff, knocking the the Fortune-Teller clean off his feet! She broke free of the threads of pure Shadow and sprinted after him!

"Wh-what is this?! No-one can beat me!" wailed the Fortune-Teller. "Well, guess what, girl?! Two can play at not giving up! Rage sign: Ocean of Hatred!"

Suddenly, the ground under Kosuzu's feet turned into boiling crimson blood! She yelped and flew away, barely in time to avoid getting her feet burned!

"That was a mean trick, Akuma," said Kosuzu angrily, flying towards him, "I'll teach you! Fantasy Sign: Sweet Dreams of a Bright Future!"

An Orb of light formed in Kosuzu's free hand. Shouting a fierce battle-cry, she threw it in the Fortune-teller's hideous face!

"Nooooooooo!" howled the Fortune-Teller. Before he could react, his head exploded!

"Oh, my days..." whimpered Kosuzu, who was now covered in bits of the fortune-teller's brain!

The villagers all cheered!

"Three cheers for Kosuzu!" declared Keine, dancing with hapiness.

"She's the greatest!" shouted Tadashi. (A/N: He owns the inn.)

"Oh, come on, it was the least I could do," said Kosuzu humbly, blushing like a ripe peach, "I couldn't let him hurt any of you! This village means so much to me! But... Has anyone seen Akyuu?"

"Why, yes! As a matter of fact I was the one who washed her once Akuma was finished with her!"

Kosuzu gasped and turned around. Coming up from behind her was none other than the evil Youkai from the Night Parade Scroll!

0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

That's it for chapter 12! I really hope you liked it; I get a lot of reviews telling me to "try harder" or "stop writing like a seven-year-old" or "grow the hell up" or "just save us all some time and effort and kill yourself", and I really am trying, I swear! . I made sure Kosuzu didn't just win effortlessly this time, so it can't be that bad, right?

 **Akuma:** I hated it!

 **Me:** Well, noone asked you!

 **Akuma:** Oh, you've done it now... _(grabs Dark Spell-Cards)_

 **Me:** Eek! 0_0

I'm doomed... Anyways, that was an amazing cliffhanger, though! I hope you're all on the edge of your seats for what comes next! I can't promise anything, but I'm going to try and get it out in time for Tanabata. I love getting reviews, so please keep them coming!

In the mean time, this is Kosuzu Motoori signing out. Peace, love and waffles to each and every one of you! ^.^

* * *

 **~"Real" Author's Note~**

The prompt for day twenty-five of the Gensokyo Festival was "fan works", so I did a fan-work-within-a-fanwork. By Kosuzu. This is not an insult to teenage girls; at the end of the day, Kosuzu had fun writing it, her friends had fun reading it, and she'll have learned a lot by the time she finishes the novel. Sure, she doesn't have the best writing style or much experience coming up with good plots, but she's a _beginner_. It's to be expected. So give her encouragement and constructive criticism, not contempt, and support young writers who are just finding their feet.


	20. Day 26: Recent Fighting Games

**~Picnics are no Picnic~**

"Sumi, you're... You're... You want to... G-go outside? For fun?! WILLINGLY?!" Mrs Usami's mouth was agape. "Are-are you feeling all right? You haven't been at Aunt Haruhi's plum wine, have you?"

"No, Mum, I'm absolutely fine. I just wanted a change of pace, you know?" said Sumireko patiently. She was decked out in a breathable raincoat, sleek plastic trousers, a heavy backpack and fancy hiking-boots. All in all, the ensemble represented half a year's pocket money.

"Change of... pace. I know, more or less..." her mother said weakly. "Well, great! Good. Marvellous. Um, where were you thinking of going? Do you need a packed lunch or anything?"

"No, it's... It's a picnic! I've already made about half the food," Sumireko pointed out. "My friends are bringing the rest. We'll be going to that park with the trees near the river."

"Oh, good." Mrs Usami didn't bother remarking the preparations her daughter had made before deigning to tell her, nor that there were dozens of parks that fit that description around Tokyo. What the heck, at least she'd be doing something healthy. "Remind me, which friends are you going with? Sho'on and Totoro?"

"Hata no Kokoro and the Yorigami sisters, Jo'on and Shion," Sumireko corrected her.

Mrs Usami raised an eyebrow. "There aren't many people with a 'no' in their names these days."

"Well, you know... Apparently, she's descended from Prince Shoutoku!" cried Sumireko, playing up the ridiculousness of the idea.

"Oh, I'll bet she is!" laughed Mrs Usami. "And these Yorigami girls are actually goddesses associated with poverty, right? Hence all the expensive gear you bought when you could've just put on a jumper!"

"...Um." Sumireko cleared her throat and tried not to look like she'd had a heart attack. "I'd better get going. Love you! 'Bye!"

Sumireko darted out of the room. Her footsteps were thumping down the stairwell just moments later.

"St... Stay safe!" There was no way Sumireko would hear her, but Mrs Usami had to at least try.

After a couple more seconds, a playful smile crossed her face. She stepped into Sumireko's bedroom and played Horizon: Zero Dawn for several hours.

* * *

Kokoro was sitting on a tree-stump on the slopes of a vibrant green valley west of the city, her face empty. A mask hovered in front of her forehead, calm and content. She could hear the river burbling faintly in the distance, like a river winding its way through a forested valley. The wind tickled the leaves like a large mass of air blowing through a bunch of foliage.

Kokoro sighed. Her mask flew behind her back to make way for a glum-looking stone faceplate. She had never been good with metaphors.

As she sat and mused in silence, Kokoro could hear the faint thumping and crunching of boots fresh from the shoe shop on a damp gravel track. She looked over just as Sumireko rounded a bend in the path.

"Hi, Kokoro!" shouted Sumireko, waving a picnic basket awkwardly above her head. "I brought miso soup and stewed octopus!"

"Don't slop it about like that," said Kokoro. Her voice was completely flat, but she'd switched her sad mask for a terrified one.

"Eep!" yelped Sumireko. She stumbled and ran forwards in a blind panic until she managed to brace the basket against a slender tree. "That... That was probably a bit stupid." Sumireko scratched the back of her head. "Um, what've you brought?"

"Salad," stated Kokoro. "Reimu devoured my cheesecake while she was escorting me through the barrier."

"Oh, nuts... Why didn't you stop her?!"

"She was weeping with joy. I could not bring myself to."

Sumireko sighed. "Well, if it made her that happy, it's worth it. We've still got other stuff, right?"

"Yes," said Kokoro.

Sumireko slumped down on the scraggly grass next to Kokoro. "Just need to wait for Jo'on and Shion to bring it."

* * *

"Oh, la!" Jo'on's face was a rictus of horror. "Shion, we simply must turn around. The road is impassible!"

Shion glumly inspected the source of her sister's distress. The road joined a soggy, muddy path alongside the river, and there was no other way to reach the park without letting all the Outside Worlders know they could fly.

Shion stepped onto the mud and winced as it chilled her bare feet. "Yuck... I don't know what you're complaining about, Jo'on. You're the one with the boots."

"I-! My dear, stupid sister, these are patent leather!" Jo'on stared at Shion as if she'd just grown an extra head.

Shion rolled her eyes. (Still just one pair, thankfully.) "Then walk on the grass. It'll be drier."

"Why should I?" sniffed Jo'on. "Hey! Hey, you! Girl in the stupid hat!"

"Jo'on! Shion! Where were you?!" Sumireko sprinted over to them, then almost fell in the river as she skidded to a halt. "We've been waiting for ages! Also, if you ever insult my hat again I'll make you beg for the sweet release of death."

"Yes, fine, whatever. Listen, Sumi, you're a woman of the world. They say you're quite an intelligent young woman, not to mention one of the prettiest. You've seen a lot of things, too, haven't you? Life, death... Mud?"

"Eh?" Sumireko was completely lost already. "I... I know what mud is. Why?"

"The thing is, friend, I like women of quality." Jo'on put her arm around Sumireko's shoulder, gripping the fabric of her coat like a bear trap. "In this day and age, we need more people like you, more people who have what it takes to work towards a brighter tomorrow. You've felt it in the air, haven't you?"

"Well... Yeah?" said Sumireko faintly. "I do hate capitalism..."

"Wh-wha-?!" Jo'on cleared her throat and tried not to look like she'd just had a heart attack. "Um, great! Good. About this path, do you know they've cut the road-building budget again? Yes, apparently our wonderful prime minister needs his second private jet a couple of weeks sooner, and we, the ordinary working people of the Land of the Rising Sun, have no choice but to trudge along in knee-deep mud for the sake of his happiness."

Shion looked askance at her sister. "It doesn't even come up to our ankles, dummy."

"It's hardly mud at all," agreed Kokoro.

"Shut up!" snapped Jo'on. "Brave, strong, wise Sumireko, won't you help me? Won't you stride with me into a brighter, less boggy future? Won't you be the one who dares to stand up and say 'no more'?!"

"You bet I will." Sumireko's eyes were burning with detrmination. "Screw the road! We'll wade through the river!"

Jo'on gasped. "B-but you could just carry me over the mud!"

Sumireko shook her head. "It wouldn't send a strong enough message to the government. Come on, hitch up your skirts and let's go!" She jumped into the deep, cold, rushing river and almost dropped her basket. "Aaaaaaah! Oh, god, it's freezing!"

Kokoro took Jo'on by the hand and led her to the river. "Come along. We can't let our friend face this trial on her own."

"V-very kind of you!" squeaked Sumireko.

"But-but-!" Jo'on whimpered. "Oh, Shion, my dear older sister, won't you please carry me?"

"For pity's sake, Jo'on, you can FLY!" snapped Shion.

 **~Author's Note~**

And now we're in the home stretch with my Gensokyo Festival rewrite series. Hopefully I'll have them done by April, when this year's Gensokyo Festival is due to start. Timing!


	21. Day 27: Hidden Star in Four Seasons

**~Season my Hidden Stars~**

The blossoms bloom so pink and sweet  
Above the border shrine.  
Despite the petals at her feet,  
"Spring finished!" Reimu whined.

Four seasons march through endless time  
Like stanzas learned by rote.  
But now, confusion breaks their rhyme  
Like dust inside the throat.

* * *

"The heck?! It's supposed to be sunny!"  
The magus did not find it funny.  
She almost felt lost  
Enveloped in frost  
So she wrapped herself up like a bunny.

Marisa was no fragile daisy.  
She knew she'd no time to be lazy.  
She took to the skies  
So she could surmise  
What had made all the weather go crazy.

* * *

Shameimaru soared o'er the verdant hills  
With notebook prepped and camera in her hand.  
To pierce the heart of myst'ries dark and deep  
Her heart was sworn. To tell the truth and never  
speak a lie, she made no promises.  
Away from forests weeping leaves of blood  
O'er frozen wastes and blushing trees below.  
She spied two comrades yonder- well, one friend  
and one annoying miko with no taste  
in newspapers. She read Hatate's rag.  
"My friends! Come hither! Let us win the day!  
"We must unveil what- oh, my days, it's warm..."  
Aya's shirt grew dark with sweat. "What gives?!"  
The miko sighed and handed her a cloth.  
Amaterasu's rays were bright and bold  
And Aya wished for Youkai Mountain cold.

* * *

Wahoo, it's a perfect day! I thought I hated Summer, but now I love it! Look, I even got myself a tan! Awesome!  
Not sure what those three are talkin' about, though... Oh, look, it's Eternity! Come on, let's fight to see who Summer belongs to!  
POW! ZAP! Eat my icicles, goat-brains!  
Wow, that was wicked! I'm so strong, even I can't believe it! I could conquer the whole of Gensokyo like this!  
Oh, don't worry, Eternity, I'm not gonna conquer you. I'm gonna turn Gensokyo into a super-duper fairy kingdom of awesomeness! We'll have ice cream and a football pitch and ice cream and watermelons and puddles to jump in and video games and ice cream! And a trouser press!  
...Hey, what's going on up there? Reimu? Marisa? Wait for me!

* * *

Thus three brave women scaled the Youkai Mount  
Plus one dumb fey they could not shake. Anon,  
A cottage squats upon the slopes so white  
Where children fear to tread without a garnish  
Far from home and Tengu lands above.  
A woman held her cleaver high and roared,  
"Who dares come hither? Speak! This land is mine!"  
"A yama-uba!" Aya cried, "Leave this  
"to me! She won't defy our peace treaty!"  
The papparazza's wind blew loud and true  
'Til Nemuno was feeling rather blue.

* * *

The heroines all made their way  
To Reimu's Spring-drenched shrine.  
A young komainu came to play  
And chance to drink and dine.

"Now, hold on, Miss!" the miko cried,  
"You can't invade my place!"  
She grabbed poor Aunn and tanned her hide.  
Salt tears poured down her face.

"I'm just your guard..." the statue sniffed,  
"I help all things divine!"  
The shamefaced Reimu came un-miffed  
And gave the girl some wine.

A round of sake gave the girls  
Some strength to win the day.  
Once more, they went to save the world.  
Aunn waved the four away.

* * *

They soared to the Mahou no Mori  
Through air full of ice and clouds hoary.  
A woman called Mai  
Dropped out of the sky  
And threatened to turn the leaves gory.

She'd engineered some sort of plan.  
Before they could fight her, she ran.  
"Distract them, young jizou!"  
She fled through the trees-ou.  
Her reasoning just didn't scan.

A woman with plaits and huge ears  
Jumped out as the heroes came near.  
She dared young Marisa  
to try and defeat her.  
She didn't inspire much fear.

Narumi was brimming with power.  
Her girlish frame seemed like a tower.  
Though clueless 'bout Mai  
She was desperate to try  
To make her acquaintances cower.

Marisa soon won like a pro.  
The statue cried "Please, one more go!"  
Her back was so warm  
It almost caused harm.  
Beneath her dress, something did glow...

* * *

How'd these women enter our realm?  
Shite! The door! I'd best buy a helm...

Oh, Mai, you young dummy! Our master will rage.  
My scatterbained sister can't act like her age.

A Tengu?! I'm dead! Okina will ground me!  
No, hold it, we're guards! Let's say that she found me.

The other three, though?... Like, what can we tell them?  
A tengu's one thing, but can we repel them?

Let's make them chosen ones of our great goddess!  
That's perfect! I rock! There's no need to be modest.

Um, Mai, we still have to test their power...  
All right, whatever. Let's make them cower!

Pass the test and you'll soar to new heights!  
Fail to best us, you'll die in the night!

Like, literally, sis, you're so OTT...  
Please, for Pete's sake, take this seriously!

Dread sisters, unite! We win every fight!  
You don't stand a chance! Behold our mad dance!

* * *

A woman sat enthroned in stone  
With oaken doors for wings.

/

In her sacred zone  
All back doors she owned  
And no-one could do a damn thing.

\\\

She said as much, but none would take her cheek.  
A brand-new servant was her dearest wish.

/

Good grief, why's she just sitting there?! It's not fair! I came all this way for a fight, and I'm gonna have one, by Toutatis!

\\\

Okina was an ancient sage  
Who built the Eastern dream.

/

As eon passed age  
Her maids grew more strange  
So she needed one new, or a team.

\\\

To heal the seasons all our heroes yearned.  
Strength and passion in their spirirts burned.

/

Screw all this waiting around! There's no way Okina can beat a strong Black woman like me. Come on! I'll take you with one hand behind my back!

* * *

With hindmost doors of ancient art  
Our heroes' strength was doubled.  
They fought like tigers, flew like darts,  
But Okina had no trouble.

Past whirling orbs and blasts of light  
She wove and ducked at speed.  
Her spell-cards could control the fight  
And trap her dearest need.

She had her heart set on Marisa.  
A human so tainted did please her.  
She promised the world  
And buckets of gold  
But not that she'd ever release her.

Marisa was far from impressed.  
Anger rose up in her breast.  
"There's no way on Earth  
"That I'll be your serf!  
"I have just one master, the best!"

The witch's danmaku grew keener.  
A master spark saw to Okina.  
The goddess fell back  
And quickly changed tack  
To stall them before they could clean her... clock.

The hindrance goddess prattled 'bout her past.  
From common stock with Aya she was cast.  
To fight the tengu, hide behind the Budhha,  
Guard the outcasts, plays and stars in Heaven,  
To rule back doors, but most of all kill tengu.  
A sage she was, an architect of old  
Who birthéd youkai, raised their secret world.  
Shameimaru was not impressed at all.  
Her door of Autumn flared with potent force.  
She never thought she might just lose her source.

H-hey, what gives? Where'd my tan go?!  
I liked that tan! Okina, you big meanie, give it back or I'll whip your skinny white bottom! You know I will!  
Wait... What happened to my icicle shotgun? I...! can't fire bunches of icicles! First my tan, now this... This is the worst day ever! I'll kill you, you selfish, good for-nothing goddess! I'll kill you with nothing but my own power!  
Come on, show me your nutty Tengu dance of... whatever! I'll cryo-freeze you with some English beef!

 **~Author's Note~**

The papparazza's wind blew loud and true.  
Her face reddened. "Sorry, Nemuno... I had spicy tempura for breakfast."

 **~...Aardvark. Come on. You're better than that, and you know it.~**

You know what? You're right. Sorry, Aya. I have no idea what came over me.

Anyway, this was quite an ambitious poem. My aim was to retell Hidden Star in Four Seasons in verse, using a different style for each season and each character representing that season. Reimu has a ballad, Marisa has limericks, Aya has iambic pentameter, and Cirno... just says stuff. Okina managed to twist the styles up a little, of course. I was proud of the poem when I first wrote it, but I still found plenty of things to change and more parts that could be added this time. It's experimental, so please feel free to tell me what you think of it.


	22. Day 28: Celebrating Touhou

**~Author's Note~**

For this final entry in last year's Gensokyo Festival, I knew I had to make a special effort. I've loved the world, the characters, the music, the lore, the art and the fandom of Touhou since I first discovered it, and I've learned to handle the gameplay. It's great stuff. Touhou is a thing of joy like few others, and I'm glad to have added a few stories of my own to the boundless imaginary universe that sprang from Gensokyo.

This is my love letter to fierce women who don't feel forced to abandon their femininity, to having a big fight and still being friends afterwards, to living as you please, to tea and beer and naps in the sun, to fierce women who don't want any femininity and will gladly abandon what little they've been lumbered with, to making whatever your heart desires and cultivating a healthy, creative fanbase, to frilly dresses, to bloomers and mob-caps, to loving another world and feeling at home there.

 **~Eternal Dream: Three Cheers for Gensokyo~**

"So, Sumi, what are your plans for today?"

"Well..."

"Do you want to go for a walk in the park? Or show me how to play those vertical-scrolling shooting games you like so much?"

"Um, you see..."

It was a chilly Sunday afternoon in the greater Tokyo metropolitan area, and Sumireko knew exactly how she wanted to spend it.

"I think I'll have some tea with a few friends," she declared, "and then maybe a few magic duels to keep in practice. Then I might go swimming in Lake Suwa, head over to my friend Sanae's place to play video games, climb a mountain, maybe round the evening off with a quiet pillow-fight for three. I'll have to check in on my many beautiful girlfriends, too..."

Her mother's face fell. "Another hours-long nap, then?"

Sumireko nodded solemnly and curled up like a snuggly little caterpillar in a purple cocoon.

"Sleep tight..." Mrs Usami was about to walk out of her daughter's bedroom when something stopped her. She knew there was no putting it off any longer. "Oh, Sumi, for the love of Ame-no-Uzume, this has to stop! All you ever do is sleep!"

Sumireko's only response was a gentle snore.

What had she been expecting? Mrs Usami breathed a deep, heartfelt sigh. "Listen, my parents used to be dead-set on turning me into the perfect housewife. They wouldn't let me go out with my friends, wear the clothes I liked or even eat decent food, and it was horrible. I used to feel so trapped. All I wanted was to get outside and just, just bloody do something, but my excuse for a dad would spank me until I was raw if I tried it. And... And you're just lying there."

Mrs Usami plonked herself down on the bed. Sumireko mumbled something unintelligible and rolled over.

"I know there's nothing wrong with naps and video games, but... Well, what kind of a life are you having?! You haven't played outside since you were eight, and you'll be eightEEN in a couple of years! You should be spending time with your friends, learning, having fun, doing stupid things so you'll understand why you **shouldn't** do them..."

Mrs Usami sighed again. "I'm not saying you have to make mud-pies or have dolls' tea parties and stuff, but there must be something you can do! Start roller-skating again, maybe, or do whatever it is people do with trading cards, or... You could take up sculpting, or... Study with your friends? At least then you'd be talking to people... And it wouldn't hurt you to climb a few trees."

Sumireko remained silent. Her mother sighed a third time. "All right, we'll talk more when you're conscious. Hope you're having an interesting dream..."

* * *

While Sumireko's body was drifting off, her spirit was waking up among the towering trees in the Forest of Magic. Sumireko yawned and rubbed her eyes. Being awake really took it out of her.

The sun was still high above the mountains, warming Sumireko even in her summer dress. The ground, the trees and the flowers smelled sweet and verdant after a shower of rain. Sumireko smiled. "Such a beautiful day..."

"Yep, you're right about that!"

Sumireko looked around in amazement.

"Up here," said the voice patiently. Among the leafy branches of a great oak tree sat Mokou, dangling her feet in the breeze.

Sumireko's face lit up. "Mokou! No, don't move, I'll come up and join you."

Sumireko wrapped her arms around the broad trunk, gripped the bark with her knees, winced as the bark ground against her helpless knees, and clambered up into the canopy. Mokou held out a hand, which Sumireko accepted gladly. She was soon perched beside her immortal friend with her feet dangling off the bough.

"I haven't seen you for a while. Where've you been?" asked Mokou.

"Well, I've been- Eep!" Sumireko's flip-flop flipped clean off her foot and flopped down among the leaf litter. "Um... I got a new video game, so my naps kind of went by the wayside."

"Ah," said Mokou understandingly. She didn't actually understand, but Sumireko was important to her. "You're back now, right?"

"Mm-hmm. I'm gonna spend the whole day with you, unless Mum wakes me up for some reason."

"Sounds good!" Mokou leaned back against a solid bit of tree, put her hands behind her head and luxuriated. "How about lunch in the village after we're done enjoying this tree...?"

* * *

The sights and sounds of the Forest of Magic filled Sumireko's heart with joy. The paths were squishy underfoot thanks to the rain, but since she was only there in spirit she didn't need to worry about how filthy her socks were getting.

"Do you want to go swimming, maybe?" said Sumireko, as she waded through a puddle. It was cold, but nothing compared to the river a couple of weeks ago.

"I'm not sure... Maybe we should just have tea and cake," said Mokou.

"That sounds nice. How about-" Sumireko's foot plunged into a particularly deep patch of mud. It took her several seconds retrieve the flip-flop. "Let's just go for a fly."

Mokou shrugged. "Sure. Though, actually..."

To Sumireko's immense bemusement, Mokou bent down and grabbed a handful of mud. "Y'know, there's something really special you can do with this stuff."

Sumireko blinked. "Like what?"

"Dorodango!" Mokou clenched her mud-filled hand, grimmacing with exertion. Gouts of flame licked out from between her fingers.

"Um," began Sumireko, but Mokou held up a hand to make her wait.

When Mokou opened her other hand, what lay within made Sumireko gasp in amazement. Mokou held a sphere of baked earth, charred and cracked but surprisingly smooth.

"That's amazing!" cried Sumireko. She grabbed her own handful of mud and took a deep breath. Images of fire flashed through her mind, of volcanoes and supernovae, of barbecues and cookers, of heating elements and Bunsen burners, of campfires and flaming torches, each one brighter and hotter than the last (which was pretty embarrassing for the supernova). A roaring flame erupted inside her hand.

"Yeeeowch! Hot! Hot! Hot! Aaargh! Eek! Ow!" Sumireko dropped her dorodango and plunged her hand into the nearest puddle, letting out a sigh of relief as the cool water soothed her scalded skin. Her face fell when she caught sight of the seared mud ball, nothing more than a misshapen lump of rock-hard soil half-embedded in the track.

"They aren't easy for beginners." Mokou gave Sumireko an encouraging smile. "Took me years to learn how to make one the normal way, centuries with fire magic."

"There's a normal way?" said Sumireko curiously.

"Yeah. You just get a ball of mud and slowly let it dry, and somehow make it look round and pretty," said Mokou. "Some people can even get a sheen on it."

"That's amazing!" breathed Sumireko. "All that time and effort, for shiny balls of mud..."

Mokou nodded. "It takes a true artist to make a good dorodango. Mine, I admit, are just average."

"Are there any true artists nearby? I'd love to to see one of the shiny ones!" Sumireko's eyes were sparkling with eagerness.

"There is one, actually," said Mokou. "I think she might be at Alice's place..."

* * *

Sumireko could scarcely believe her eyes. She'd met Alice a couple of times, but the magician's dress seemed even frillier and more bouffant than ever before.

Sumireko cleared her throat. "Alice, are you... Isn't that dress a bit impractical?"

"How do you mean?" Alice dropped her five hundred kilogramme dumbell, which hit the floor with such a clang that the entire forest trembled.

"Um..." Sumireko cleared her throat again. "Well, isn't it a bit restrictive? And warm?"

"No." Alice was completely bewildered. "Why, don't you wear dresses in the Outside World?"

"Not at the gym!" cried Sumireko. The very thought of it sent shivers down her spine.

Alice frowned in confusion. "Jim? Is he a friend of yours?"

"Nah, she's talking about those special exercise buildings they have out there." Marisa came clattering in from some other room. To Sumireko's relief, she was wearing frilly white shorts, a black vest and a bandana. "Thing is, Sumi, youkai don't need special clothes for exercising. If you're allowed to be a two-hundred-year-old magician who can control dolls, change your own shape and do magic and stuff, you're allowed to lift weights in a dress."

"Oh. I think I understand." Sumireko did not understand, but that wasn't going to stop her from speculating endlessly about Alice's physiology. She knew it was wrong, but she did quite fancy dissecting a youkai. "Hey, Marisa, when you're done here, could you show me your dodongos?"

Leaning listlessly against the wall, Mokou stirred. "It's 'dorodango'. Singular. You can't just go making Japanese words plurals even if this is the dub."

"Right. That's what I said. Your lovingly-crafted balls of mud," said Sumireko firmly. "I want to see them. Please."

"My... Dorodango? Well, they're... Nothing... Special," panted Marisa, doing star-jumps with all the speed and power of a rhinoceros. And about as much elegance. "I've got one... In here."

Marisa reached inside her vest and pulled out the most beautiful dorodango Sumireko had ever seen. It was a flawless sphere, as round and smooth as a teardrop. Its skin was the light brown of ash wood, marbled with curling streaks of yellow and blotches of rich brown.

Sumireko was unable to speak in the face of such beauty. She stood there, wide-eyed, with her mouth hanging open, hardly even daring to breathe.

"Cool... Isn't it?" Marisa huffed proudly. "I've got a... Few more... At home. I tried making... A square... One... But it came out... Looking more... Like a... Dodecahedron. Right, that should be enough star-jumps."

"It's...! It's BEAUTIFUL!" breathed Sumireko. "How did you ever make something so gorgeous?! So smooth, so round, such a perfect shade of brown!"

Marisa went bright red. "Aww, shucks, Sumi... All it took was years of practice and dedication! Anyone could-"

"You really think I'm gorgeous?"

The room fell silent as Marisa and Sumireko tried to comprehend the fact that a lifeless sphere of mud had just spoken.

"Yeah, I think she did," said Mokou casually. "Come to life, have you?"

"I sure have!" The dorodango leapt from Marisa's trembling hands. By the time it reached the floor, it was no longer a shiny sphere of earth but a heavy-set woman with light brown skin and coppery blonde hair. She wore heavy brown boots, a furry brown hat and a bell-shaped tweed dress with yellow and orange tie-dye.

"Er," said Marisa.

"Um," said Sumireko.

"Shoes off, please," said Alice.

"Right. Sorry." The dorodango took off her boots and handed them to Marisa. "My name's Nendoro Mahousume. You're that witch all the other mud was talking about, right?"

"I... think so?" Marisa cleared her throat. "Great to meet you, Nendoro! I'm Marisa Kirisame, the woman who shaped you into a ball."

"Oh, it was you?" Nendoro's eyes narrowed. "Then you're the one who mutilated my poor cousin. He was such a polite patch of mud! He never stole anyone's shoes or anything. My cousin wanted to be a cube, but no! You turned him into a hideous mutant!"

"Wh-what?! Do you mean the dodecahedron? I wasn't trying to hurt him! I just got this idea and, um, it didn't work..."

"You should have known better! A dorodango's spirit is born as soon as its creator starts working, and my cousin was born to be a cube!" snapped Nendoro.

A very big concern arose in Sumireko's mind. "Um, excuse me, Nendoro? What do you mean by 'as soon as its creator starts working'?"

"Eh? I mean as soon as they clump the first ball of mud together, of course!" snapped Nendoro!

"Oh, gods, I dropped mine in a puddle!" wailed Sumireko.

Nendoro rounded on her, eyes blazing with fury. "WHAT did you just say?!"

"N-nothing! I said nothing!"

"LIAR!"

Sumireko flinched as Nendoro advanced on her. She could smell the dorodango's damp, earthy skin, feel her cold breath upon her face.

"So, you think you can throw away one of my kin, do you? I'll show you! As per the laws of Gensokyo, I challenge you..."

Sumireko sagged with relief. A spell-card duel couldn't be that bad.

"...to a roller derby tournament!"

Sumireko blanched.

"Hey, that's convenient!" Mokou piped up. "You won a trophy for roller-skating once, didn't you?"

"I... I haven't skated in years..." Sumireko turned her hat the other way round, which was pointless because it had perfect rotational symmetry. "But I'll be ready for you, dorodango. I won't lose!"

* * *

"Patchouli! Patchouli, you have to help us!"

"Has a dorodango ever come to life before?"

"I don't even know how to skate any more!"

"Hey, are those new slippers?"

Patchouli looked up in alarm as three panicking women, one unflappable Alice and one Mokou came charging towards her. With a sigh, she moved her pile of books to one side and sat up straight. "Can I help you with anything?"

"I'll say! Sumireko's gonna get killed!" declared Marisa.

"How do we deal with earthenware youkai?!" demanded Reimu, who had only been given a vague explanation of what was going on.

"We really need your help, Patchouli. Do you have any idea what "roller derby" is?" asked Alice.

"Those slippers look so comfy! Where'd you get them?!" cried Mokou.

"Um...? Well, ah, you see... My slippers were a birthday present! You'll have to ask Meiling about them," said Patchouli weakly.

Sumireko groaned. "We're not here to talk about slippers, we need help! I have to beat a dorodango tsukumogami I've only just met in a roller derby tournament and I just don't have the skills any more! I don't know anything about dorodango tsukumogami! Help me!"

"...Oh. My, my. That does sound like a quandary." Patchouli took a shallow breath, which was all she could manage. "First of all, you should-"

"Did someone say roller derby?" Flandre poked her torso through a tall bookshelf, dislodging several volumes.

Patchouli sighed. "Yes, Sumireko has somehow been forced to take on a dorodango tsukumogami in such a competition. Now would you mind-"

"I love roller derby! It's like my all-time favourite sport!" Flandre's face lit up with joy. "When's the tournament? Who's in your team, Sumi? Can I play too?! Can I, can I, can I, can I, can I?!"

"Um." Sumireko barely managed one syllable before Remilia dropped down from the ceiling and landed on her head.

"So, what's all this?" asked Remilia, ignoring the dazed teenage girl beneath her feet.

Patchouli sighed heavily. "You see, dear friend-"

"Sumireko's been challenged to a roller derby tournament!" Marisa talked over her.

"And we're helping!" declared Flandre.

Remilia's eyes widened. "Roller derby?! But that's my all-time second-favourite sport after flying baseball!" she squeaked. "Where's the tournament?! Who's invited?! What are the prizes?! When is it?! Oh, please say we're having it soon!"

"Th-there isn't- we're- it's not- it's just me and that baked mud woman! She challenged me and I don't know what to do!" wailed Sumireko.

"Really? Well, then, just leave it to us!" Remilia winked.

Sumireko flopped down in defeat. Marisa tried to give her a friendly pat, but Remilia stepped on her hand by mistake.

* * *

"Ladies and additional ladies, the Scarlet Slaughter will now begin! Clay Crusher, captain of the Elementerrorists, is challenging Sumi-Wreck-You, captain of Team Danmassacre!" Decked out in all the punk clothes Remilia hated, Flandre was in her element. "There will be violence! There will be pain! There will be accidents! There will probably be a tea break- yes, what is it?"

Meiling whispered urgently into Flandre's ear.

"Oh." Flandre cleared her throat. "The tea break is cancelled due to safety concerns! Namely, Sakuya having a nervous breakdown if she has to clean up all the scones and smashed cups! Anyway, um, where was I?" She glanced at her note card. "Team captains, come forth!"

Nendoro glided out in front of the gazebo. The audience cheered as best they could while packed into such a small space. Marisa and Mokou wheeled Sumireko out after her. The audience stifled a collective fit of laughter.

"Are you sure you're gonna be all right?" whispered Marisa.

"Positive." Sumireko smiled in a way she hoped was convincing. "I'll have four good blockers, won't I?"

"Well, yeah, it's just-"

Sumireko yelped, flailed around and fell flat on her face.

"That," sighed Marisa.

"I'll be... Fine..." groaned Sumireko. She was glad of her knee- and elbow-pads, even though they were only made out of wood. All her fondest skating memories involved at least one minor injury. "Skating is like riding a bike. Once you learn how, you never... Ow..."

Flandre glared at the guffawing audience. "Come on, she's trying her best! I'd like to see any of you lot do better!"

The gazebo almost collapsed from the jeering that followed.

"Maybe I'll take over for a bit," said Remilia, plucking the megaphone from Flandre's hand. She wasn't dressed quite as ruggedly as her sister, but she was wearing jeans. "All right, teams, take your places!"

Sumireko and Nendoro stumbled and/or glided to the start line. Their blockers formed up in front. Marisa, Mokou, Sakuya and Reimu were wearing the purple capes and black helmets of Team Danmassacre, while Letty, Wakasagihime, Aya and Clownpiece wore the brown dresses and warm Russian hats of the Elementerrorists.

Reimu stared at the mermaid in amazement. "Is that allowed?!"

"I don't see why not." Wakasagihime was lying flat on top of a wide blue skateboard. "I mean, why should I be kept from participating in a team sport just because I was born without any legs? Are you some kind of biped-supremacist?"

"Forget I asked..." said Reimu weakly.

"Because we don't have a proper circuit, there will be no jams or necessity for overtaking! Instead, each team has to meet certain requirements in order to win points!" Remilia drivelled on. "The first person to finish gets ten points, the second gets nine, etcetera! Additional points will be awarded for stunts, knock-outs, evasion, poetry and- Flandre, you've put no thought into this at all, have you?"

Flandre pouted. "I only had half an hour..."

"Well, fine," sighed Remilia. "The team with the most points wins the match. Only blockers may, well, block; the captains, acting as jammers, must focus solely on reaching the finish line. Magic may be used if it falls within the bounds established for spell-card duels, and only one autonomous familiar is allowed for each contestant."

"That reminds me, where did Alice get to?" Sakuya piped up.

Marisa shrugged. "Playing with her dolls, making clothes for her dolls, making new dolls, having a nap with her dolls, pretending to feed her dolls... Just the usual, probably."

"Teams, are you ready?!" demanded Remilia.

"YEEEEAAAAAAHHH!" chorused the magical derby girls of the East.

Flandre snatched back her megaphone. "Then let the Scarlet Slaughter begin!"

Sumireko darted forwards. The squads of blockers clashed together, shouting and swearing like longshorewomen, firing danmaku in all directions. Sumireko weaved past a few stray bullets and hurtled along the first flower-lined path.

Nendoro flashed past her, waving a cheeky little wave.

"Wh-wha-?" Sumireko froze. Her skates, however, kept moving, sending her ploughing through a bed of chrysanthemums.

"Come on, Sumi-Wreck-You, pick up the pace!" shouted Mokou, speeding past her on the main path.

"But... I can't..." Overwhelmed by despair, Sumireko fell silent. What could she do against someone like Nendoro? A human, skating with nothing but her own feet, against a youkai, newly-manifested and bursting with power? It was hopeless.

Then it hit her. She could fly. Like everyone else, Sumireko was capable of SUSTAINED FLIGHT WITH NOTHING BUT THE POWER OF HER MIND. Skating was small beans in comparison.

"Don't start celebrating just yet, mud girl." Sumireko smiled. "Just got to exert a little force directly upon myself- Waaagh!"

Sumireko shot out of the flower bed in an explosion of mangled stems and pastel-coloured petals. Her eyes widened in horror. The football-pitch-sized duck pond was straight ahead.

"Damn it... I'll have to go-"

An icicle thwacked into Sumireko's chest. She cried out in pain and went limp completely limp, fell flat on her stomach and skidded into the pond.

The cold shock was enough to startle her out of her fugue. Sumireko leapt out of the pond, gulped down a colossal breath and fell back in with a splash. After a few seconds she exploded from the far shore, trailing mud and pondweed and wearing a ferocious scowl. Letty (she assumed it had been Letty) was going to pay.

The last of her competitors were already disappearing around the corner. Sumireko flattened her arms against her sides and forced herself to accelerate. The wind whipped her hair into her eyes and made her dress billow like a sail, plants slashed at her shins, but she pressed on with grim determination until she could see her competitors close in front of her.

"OI, REIMU!" shouted Sumireko. "REIMU, I'M COMING UP BEHIND YOU! GET AYA OUT OF THE WAY!"

"RIGHT!" replied Reimu. "Say, Aya, have you ever heard this expression?"

"Expression?! What are you talking about?! More to the point, it's Lady Blightshade while we're-"

"Duplex Barrier!"

Aya spiralled into the hedge maze, screaming in terror.

Satisfied, but also a bit sympathetic, Sumireko hurtled past her teammates and enemies. The shouts and explosions of a spirited free-for-all were soon ringing in her ears as she chased after the opposing captain.

Nendoro was so startled to see Sumireko that her hat flew up off her head. "W-what are you doing here?! I was miles ahead!"

"Just hit my groove, y'know? Now shut up and skate! I'm gonna prove I'm not a... That I'm..." Sumireko's brow furrowed. "What am I fighting for, exactly?"

Nendoro rolled her eyes. " **I** happen to be fighting for my people."

"Oh, yeah, because of the... And the... Well, I'm going to prove something, all right?!" snapped Sumireko.

Nendoro just smiled. At that moment, a large shadow fell over Sumireko, and what she saw above her head filled her with terror.

"Eek!" Sumireko lunged to the side, just in time to avoid a barrel-sized blob of thick, heavy mud. The clay exploded gloopily on the grass, splattering as far as the mansion wall.

Nendoro growled. "I'll get you next time."

"What?! That's cheating! Only the blockers are allowed to attack me!" cried Sumireko.

"Oh? And just who's gonna believe you?!" crowed Nendoro. "Face it, Sumireko, I have you beaten."

"Screw you." Sumireko grabbed her spell-cards, fumbled them, dropped Occultician of the Present World on top of a gnome and blushed furiously.

"Two can play at that game, four-eyes," smiled Nendoro. "Clay Sign: Brick Breaker!"

A brick hurtled towards Sumireko's head. She yelped and ducked, but the brick struck her hat dead-centre and sent it flying into the bushes.

"No-one touches my hat! Double screw you!" Burning with hatred, Sumireko brandished her own spell-card. "Pyrokinesis: Microwave Maul!"

Psychic energy warmed Sumireko's fingers as she cast a ray of pure heat. Nendoro somersaulted over the ray, landed heavily on the path and stumbled.

Nendoro let out a low growl as she regained her balance. "Swamp Sign: Rage of Sphagnum Moss!"

Tendrils of slimy green moss closed in on Sumireko. She kicked a tentacle in half, skipped over the second and ducked at the last moment, letting three more tendrils grab ineffectually at each other. The sixth lashed out at her shoulders, but she barged through it.

"It'll take more than that to stop me." Sumireko selected her next spell-card. "Automaton: Great Turbine Punch!"

A schoolgirl-sized robot materialised in front of Nendoro. The dorodango swerved, but the robot struck like lightning with enough force to send her skidding across the grass.

Nendoro let out a scream of rage. She kicked off her skates and took to the air, bearing down on Sumireko with frightening speed.

"I made that robot myself! Like her?" said Sumireko proudly.

"Shut up! Bog Sign: Unbreakable Suction Trap!"

A thousand tiny brown bullets broke away from the ground and swarmed towards Sumireko's feet. She had barely a second to react. Sumireko kicked off her skates and spiralled through the air, the mud bullets falling behind as she careened over the garden. The pair of roller-skates were still rolling along beneath her.

"Hey, you're not allowed to take those off!" Hypocrisy sparkled in Nendoro's eyes. "I'll show you. Sludge Sign: Bubble Volcano!"  
A grey bubble shot towards Sumireko. It was now or never. Sumireko dropped like a stone, avoiding the bubble by a hair's breadth. Her feet thudded back into her skates.

Nendoro broke away as Sumireko barrelled into the cherry orchard. Through the dense green foliage, she could catch only glimpses of the dorodango, but she knew Nendoro wasn't going to give up. She had to be ready.

Sumireko's fingers brushed against the small plastic handle concealed inside her blouse. She'd only packed one hihi'irokane bullet, strong enough to stun a youkai and gentle enough not to do anything worse to a human. Would one be enough?

The trees parted, and Nendoro was immediately upon her. There was no time to think. Sumireko whipped out her pistol, took aim and threw it over Nendoro's shoulder.

Nendoro's eyes widened. "Wh-what was that?!"

"Magic Metal Storm: Ultimate Bullet Purgatory!"

Sumireko focused all her power on the small, pointy lump of hihi'irokane in her hand. The bullet exploded into a thousand shining red grains. Grinning triumphantly, Sumireko threw them with all her might.

Nendoro yelped and soared out of the way, but she was too slow. Pichuuu~n after pichuuu~n echoed across the garden as the grains battered her into submission. With all her strength spent, Nendoro plummeted helplessly into a marshy patch among some rhododendroms.

"Piece of cake!" Radiant with pride, Sumireko brushed the dust off her blouse and sped towards the finish line.

* * *

The charred, lumpen dorodango was resting peacefully inside a wicker basket, snuggled up in a soft blue towel. Sumireko swept away a few more flecks of dust and laid down her brush.

"He should be fine now. Or she, or they, or... I suppose we won't know until a spirit manifests inside there." Nendoro sighed. "I'm glad you still trust me, Sumireko. After I let myself get so angry."

"It's okay. I tried to destroy Gensokyo once, when I was young and stupid," said Sumireko, laughing nostalgically. "I thought I was saving the world. Turns out that, well... Lunarians need to go and die in a fire."

"I can help you there!" chuckled Mokou, giving Kaguya a nudge in the ribs.

Kaguya poured her bowl of tea in Mokou's lap. Mokou pounced on the princess and started pumelling her.

"It's nice when we're all together, isn't it?" Reimu put her arm around Marisa's shoulder and smiled. "You know, Marisa, we should have more roller derby tournaments. Proper ones, with an oval and jams and referees and danmaku and... And everything!"

"What about music?"

"I'm thinking soft rock and power ballads, maybe something a bit more powerful for the big matches..."

"Wow, that'd be the best! I can't wait!" cried Sumireko. "Nendoro, you'll be there, right?"

"I'm a perfect sphere made of mud, Sumi. Of course I need to roll around!" giggled Nendoro.

At that moment, a panting Alice burst into the room. "I found it, everybody! I finally found it!"

"Eh?" said Marisa.

"What?!" cried Sumireko.

"This!" Alice beamed as she held up a flat wooden stick with measurements on each side. "Would you believe it took me a whole hour to dig this out? Anyway, now we can finally play ruler derby!"

Sumireko fainted.

There would be many more puns that night, but for the most part the Hakurei Shrine was filled with laughter. The tea and sake flowed freely, spirits were as high as the birds that soared overhead, and everybody was looking forward to new adventures.

People are born, people die, empires rise and fall, but there will always be a small, cosy shrine among the mountains where Amaterasu rises from her slumber. And next to that shrine, skipping along with hand in hand, a cheerful witch, a friendly shrine maiden and a schoolgirl who just sort of showed up and never went away will always be together, laughing and danmakuing in the beautiful Eastern Wonderland.


End file.
